How Often Should You Visit in a Long Distance Relationship?

One of the most common questions in long-distance relationships: how often should we visit? Too infrequent and the relationship suffers. Too frequent and you burn out financially and emotionally. Finding the right balance is crucial.

There's no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are frameworks to help you figure out what works for your specific situation. Here's everything you need to consider.

The General Guidelines

The Minimum for Most Relationships

Research and anecdotal evidence suggest that most LDRs need:

At minimum: Once every 2-3 months
Ideal for many: Once a month
Sweet spot for serious relationships: Every 2-4 weeks

Less than once every 3 months and most couples report feeling disconnected and questioning the relationship's viability.

Why Frequency Matters

• Physical intimacy: Video calls can't replace being in the same room
• Relationship momentum: Regular visits keep things progressing
• Reassurance: Seeing each other proves the relationship is a priority
• Shared experiences: You need new memories together, not just shared screens
• Hope: Having the next visit on the calendar makes the distance bearable

Factors That Determine Your Ideal Frequency

1. Distance

0-3 hours apart:

• Feasible: Every 1-2 weeks
• Realistic: Every 2-3 weeks
• Minimum: Every 3-4 weeks

3-6 hours apart:

• Feasible: Every 2-3 weeks
• Realistic: Once a month
• Minimum: Every 6 weeks

6+ hours or flight required:

• Feasible: Once a month (if finances allow)
• Realistic: Every 6-8 weeks
• Minimum: Every 2-3 months

International/very far:

• Feasible: Every 2-3 months
• Realistic: Every 3-4 months
• Minimum: Every 6 months (but this is pushing it)

2. Budget

Money is often the limiting factor. Calculate your monthly visit budget:

Sample costs for a weekend visit:

• Driving (3 hours): $30-50 gas
• Domestic flight: $200-400
• International flight: $500-1500
• Hotel (if needed): $150-300/weekend
• Food and activities: $100-300

Use Skyscanner to find the cheapest flights and factor those costs into your budget.

If you can afford $200-300/month: Visit every 6-8 weeks by driving or budget flights

If you can afford $400-600/month: Visit monthly with moderate flights

If budget is tight: Every 2-3 months, supplement with longer stays

3. Work Schedule and Time Off

Flexible work/remote: Weekly or every other week is possible

Standard job with limited PTO:

• Use 3-day weekends strategically
• Visit every 3-4 weeks without using PTO
• Save PTO for longer visits every few months

Demanding job or shift work: Every 6-8 weeks may be max

4. Relationship Stage

Just started dating (months 1-3):

• Ideal: Every 2-3 weeks
• You're building the relationship, frequency matters
• Too long apart and the connection fizzles

Established couple (months 3-12):

• Ideal: Every 3-4 weeks
• You're solid enough to handle slightly longer gaps
• But still need regular contact to keep growing

Long-term/committed (1+ years):

• Varies widely: Every 4-8 weeks
• You can handle longer gaps but shouldn't push it too far
• Quality and length matter more than frequency

5. Your Ages and Life Stages

College students: May have more flexible schedules, less money. Every 3-6 weeks common.

Young professionals: Money but less time. Every 3-4 weeks typical.

Established careers: Both money and PTO, but busy. Every 4-6 weeks.

With kids or major responsibilities: Every 6-8 weeks may be realistic.

Finding Your Sweet Spot

The Formula

Consider these together:

1. How often do you WANT to visit? (emotional need)
2. How often can you AFFORD to visit? (financial reality)
3. How often can you ACTUALLY visit? (time/logistics)
4. How often do you NEED to visit to keep the relationship healthy? (minimum)

Your ideal frequency is where want, afford, and actual intersect, while staying above your minimum need.

Example Calculations

Couple A: 4 hours apart, both working, together 6 months

• Want: Every week
• Afford: Every 2 weeks ($200/month budget)
• Actually can: Every 2-3 weeks (work schedules)
• Need: Every 4 weeks minimum
• Solution: Visit every 2-3 weeks, alternating who travels

Couple B: 10-hour flight apart, established relationship

• Want: Every 3 weeks
• Afford: Every 2-3 months ($1200/visit)
• Actually can: Every 6-8 weeks (time off limits)
• Need: Every 3 months minimum
• Solution: Visit every 2-3 months, longer stays (5-7 days) to maximize time

Quality vs. Quantity

Short Frequent Visits vs. Longer Infrequent Visits

Option A: Weekend every 3 weeks

• Pros: Regular contact, easier to maintain connection
• Cons: Lots of travel, less time per visit, constant goodbyes
• Best for: Couples relatively close by, early in relationship

Option B: Week every 2-3 months

• Pros: Real quality time, can settle in together, fewer goodbyes
• Cons: Long gaps, harder emotionally between visits
• Best for: Far distances, established couples, when you can take time off

Option C: Mix of both (recommended)

• Weekend visits every month
• Plus one longer visit (5-7 days) every few months
• Gives you both consistency and depth

Balancing Who Travels

The Fairness Question

Ideally, you alternate who travels. But perfect 50/50 isn't always realistic:

Consider:

• Who has the more comfortable living situation?
• Who has more flexible work?
• Income disparities
• Who has the car/easier travel access?
• Family or friend support in each location

Fair doesn't always mean equal. If one person makes significantly more or has a better apartment, maybe they host more but the other person contributes differently (groceries, activities).

Meeting Halfway

Some couples reduce visit frequency by making each visit special—meeting halfway in a new city:

• Might visit every 6 weeks instead of monthly
• But each visit is a 3-4 day adventure somewhere new
• Both travel equal distance
• Creates neutral, exciting territory

The Danger Zones

Too Frequent

Signs you're visiting too often:

• Financial stress or debt from travel
• Neglecting work, friends, personal health
• Every goodbye is devastating
• You're exhausted all the time
• Your life exists only during visits

Solution: Scale back slightly, focus on making each visit count, invest in your life where you are.

Too Infrequent

Signs you're not visiting enough:

• Feeling disconnected even when you talk
• Questioning the relationship regularly
• Starting to feel single
• Resentment building
• Physical intimacy feels awkward when you do meet

Solution: Prioritize visits even if it means sacrificing other expenses, or have a serious talk about the relationship's future.

Adjusting Over Time

Your Frequency Will Change

Honeymoon phase (first 6 months): You'll want to visit as often as possible. Budget and logistics permitting, go for it.

Settling in (months 6-18): You find your sustainable rhythm. This is your true frequency.

Long-term (18+ months): You might visit less frequently but for longer periods. Or you're getting serious about closing the distance.

Pre-closing the distance: Often increases again as you prepare for the transition.

When Life Changes

Be ready to renegotiate frequency when:

• Someone changes jobs
• Financial situations shift
• Health issues arise
• Other major life events
• Relationship progresses to new stage

Making Infrequent Visits Work

If you can only visit every 2-3 months:

Communication is Everything

• Daily check-ins
• Regular video calls (not just texting)
• Share your daily life actively
• Virtual dates
• Surprises and care packages

Maximize Visit Quality

• Make visits longer (4-7 days vs. weekends)
• Plan one special activity but mostly stay in
• Practice domestic life together
• Take lots of photos
• Create rituals and traditions

Have an End Date

• Infrequent visits are more sustainable with a timeline
• "We can do every 3 months for another year until I graduate"
• Without an end date, infrequent visits often lead to breakups

Sample Visit Schedules

Close Distance Couple (2-3 hours)

• Visit every 2-3 weeks
• Alternate who drives
• Friday night through Sunday afternoon
• Monthly cost: $100-200
• One longer visit (4-5 days) every few months

Medium Distance Couple (5-6 hours or short flight)

• Visit every 3-4 weeks
• Mix of driving and flying depending on deals
• Weekend visits typically, long weekend for holidays
• Monthly cost: $200-400
• Two week-long visits per year

Long Distance Couple (flight required)

• Visit every 6-8 weeks
• Both fly halfway sometimes
• 4-5 day visits typical
• Monthly cost (averaged): $300-600
• One 2-week visit per year

International Couple

• Visit every 2-4 months
• Alternate who flies
• 10-14 day visits
• Monthly cost (averaged): $400-800
• Use vacation time strategically

The Money Talk

Budgeting for Visits

Create a shared or individual travel fund:

• Decide how much each person can contribute monthly
• Set it aside automatically
• Use it only for visits
• Track expenses to ensure fairness

Income Disparities

If one person earns significantly more:

• They might pay for flights more often
• The other pays for groceries and activities during visits
• Or they host more often, saving the other person travel costs
• Find a system that feels equitable, not necessarily equal

When Visit Frequency Becomes a Relationship Issue

Mismatched Expectations

Problem: One person wants monthly visits, the other thinks every 2 months is fine.

Solution:

• Understand the underlying needs, not just the number
• Compromise: Maybe visit every 5-6 weeks
• Supplement with better communication between visits
• Discuss long-term plan to close distance

One Person Always Traveling

Problem: Resentment builds when the burden is unequal.

Solution:

• Track who travels over 3-6 months
• Explicitly plan to balance it out
• Acknowledge the imbalance and appreciate the effort
• If it can't be balanced, find other ways to equalize effort

The Bottom Line

There's no magic number that works for everyone. But research and experience suggest:

Most successful LDRs visit every 3-6 weeks.

Less often than that and you need exceptional communication, a clear end date, and strong commitment. More often than every 2 weeks and you risk burnout unless you're very close by.

The right frequency for you is the one that:

• Keeps you both feeling connected
• Doesn't create financial stress
• Allows you both to maintain your lives where you are
• Feels sustainable for your timeline
• Both partners agree on

And remember: visit frequency is less important than what you do with the time between visits. Couples who visit every 6 weeks but communicate well often do better than couples who visit weekly but barely talk in between.

Focus on overall relationship health, not just hitting a visit quota.