How to Say Goodbye After a Visit (Without Breaking Down)

Activities & Travel 7 min read
Couple saying goodbye

If you've been in a long-distance relationship for more than five minutes, you know: goodbyes are brutal. Just when you've settled into being together, you have to tear yourselves apart again. And no matter how many times you do it, it doesn't get easier.

But there are ways to make goodbyes less painful and more manageable. Here's everything I've learned about saying goodbye after visits without completely falling apart.

Why Goodbyes Are So Hard

The Science of LDR Goodbyes

LDR goodbyes trigger genuine grief responses in your brain. You're experiencing loss, even if it's temporary. Your body doesn't distinguish well between "goodbye for now" and just "goodbye."

Common physical and emotional responses:

All of this is normal. You're not being dramatic.

Why It Doesn't Get Easier

You'd think after dozens of goodbyes, you'd develop immunity. But often it gets harder because:

That said, you do get better at managing the goodbye, even if the pain stays similar.

Before the Goodbye: Preparation Strategies

Don't Ignore That It's Coming

Some couples pretend the goodbye isn't happening until the last possible moment. This usually backfires.

Better approach: Acknowledge it ahead of time. "I'm going to be really sad when you leave, but let's make the most of today." Getting it out in the open removes the elephant in the room.

Plan Your Next Visit

The single most effective goodbye strategy: book the next visit before this one ends.

Create a Goodbye Ritual

Rituals provide structure when emotions are chaotic. Consider:

My partner and I always take a selfie at the airport. We have dozens now, and looking back through them helps us see how far we've come.

Prep for the Transition

The hours after goodbye are rough. Set yourself up for success:

The Actual Goodbye

Timing Matters

The lingering goodbye: Some couples draw it out, spending hours at the airport or train station.

Pros: Maximum time together
Cons: Prolongs the pain, often ends up feeling worse

The quick goodbye: Drop off at departures, quick hug and kiss, done.

Pros: Rips the band-aid off
Cons: Can feel too abrupt, doesn't honor the moment

The Goldilocks goodbye (my recommendation): Allow 15-20 minutes. Not so long you're torturing yourselves, not so short it feels rushed.

What to Say

In the moment, words often fail. But some phrases that help:

What not to say:

The Final Hug

Make it count:

Then actually leave. Don't do the thing where you keep coming back for "one more hug." It makes it worse.

The Walk Away

This is the hardest part. Whether you're leaving or being left, that moment when you can't see each other anymore is brutal.

If you're the one leaving:

If you're the one staying:

Immediately After the Goodbye

The First Few Hours

These are the worst. You're raw and everything feels wrong.

What helps:

What doesn't help:

That First Night Apart

Going to bed alone after days together is jarring. Strategies:

It's okay if you can't sleep well. Many LDR folks report sleep disruption after visits. It usually normalizes in a few days.

The Days After

The Post-Visit Blues (Days 1-3)

This is a real phenomenon. After the high of being together, crashing back to solo life feels awful.

Common feelings:

How to cope:

Communication After Goodbyes

Some couples want constant contact after a goodbye. Others need space to readjust. Neither is wrong.

Find your balance:

Getting Back to Normal (Days 4-7)

By day 4 or 5, the acute pain usually fades. You remember how to function alone again.

This doesn't mean you stop missing them. It means you've readjusted to long-distance life.

Coping Strategies That Actually Work

1. Countdown (But Do It Right)

Counting days can be depressing if there are 87 days until your next visit. Better approach:

2. Intentional Communication

Quality over quantity. Instead of texting all day feeling sad:

3. Fill Your Calendar

Having things to look forward to helps:

4. Physical Reminders

Some people find this comforting. Others find it too painful. Know yourself.

5. Gratitude Practice

Instead of focusing on missing them, focus on being grateful you have them:

What Not to Do After Goodbyes

When Goodbyes Get Easier (And When They Don't)

Easier With:

Harder With:

Different Types of Goodbyes

The Weekend Goodbye

Sharp but short. You barely settled in before separating again. Often feels frustrating more than devastating.

The Extended Visit Goodbye

After 2+ weeks together, this goodbye hits different. You built a life together, however temporary. Readjustment takes longer.

The "Don't Know When We'll See Each Other Next" Goodbye

The worst kind. Without a countdown to anchor to, the grief is more intense. Priority should be booking the next visit ASAP.

The Holiday Goodbye

Leaving during holidays when you want to be together can be extra painful. Plan something to look forward to immediately after.

For the Long Term

Build Tolerance (Without Getting Numb)

Over time, you develop coping mechanisms. This doesn't mean it stops hurting, but you learn:

When Goodbyes Become Unbearable

If goodbyes are consistently devastating and you're not functioning normally after visits, it might be time to:

Sadness is normal. Complete inability to cope isn't.

The Goodbye That Sticks With Me

After three years of LDR, I've said hundreds of goodbyes. But one stands out:

We'd just had the most perfect week together. We were laughing in the car on the way to the airport. And then suddenly we were at departures, and I had to get out.

We both just... broke. Ugly crying in the car. Neither of us wanted to let go. I almost missed my flight because I couldn't walk away.

But here's what I remember most: after I finally went through security, I texted him: "That was the hardest goodbye yet, which means this is the best relationship yet."

And he said: "Every goodbye reminds me why we're doing this. I'd rather have hard goodbyes with you than easy goodbyes with anyone else."

That's the perspective that keeps me going.

Final Thoughts

Goodbyes are the price you pay for having someone worth missing. They're proof that what you have is real and important.

You won't master them. They won't stop hurting. But you will get better at handling them, trusting that the pain is temporary and the relationship is worth it.

And someday, you'll say your last long-distance goodbye. And then every goodbye after that will just be "see you tonight" or "have a good day at work."

Until then: cry when you need to, lean on each other, and remember that every goodbye brings you one step closer to the last one.

Goodbyes Emotional Support Coping Strategies Visit Planning