You've finally closed the distance and moved in together. The boxes are unpacked, the furniture is arranged (after only three arguments about couch placement), and now you're staring at blank walls trying to merge your IKEA minimalism with their vintage maximalist aesthetic.
Welcome to one of the most revealing—and potentially contentious—aspects of living together: decorating your shared space.
How you decorate together says a lot about how you'll navigate other compromises in your relationship. It's practice for blending lives, respecting differences, and creating something that belongs to both of you.
This guide will help you navigate the process with fewer arguments and more collaboration.
Why Decorating Together Matters
You might think, "It's just decor. Who cares?" But here's why it actually matters:
Your Space Shapes Your Mood
The environment you live in affects your mental health, stress levels, and overall happiness. If one person feels like a visitor in their own home, that's a problem.
It's About Belonging
Especially if one person moved into the other's established space, decorating together signals "this is OUR home now," not "my partner's place where I happen to stay."
It Reveals Your Collaboration Style
How you handle disagreements about throw pillows is practice for how you'll handle bigger disagreements down the line.
It Creates Shared Memories
Choosing items together, hunting for the perfect piece, compromising on that rug—these become part of your relationship story.
Common Decorating Challenges for New Couples
Challenge 1: One Person Moved Into an Already-Decorated Space
This is the most common scenario and often the trickiest. One partner has lived there for months or years. They've chosen the furniture, the art, the color scheme. Everything reflects their taste.
The person who moved in can feel like a guest in someone else's space—especially if there's no room for their belongings or aesthetic input.
Challenge 2: Completely Different Aesthetic Preferences
One person loves sleek modern minimalism. The other collects vintage trinkets and adores maximalist boho vibes. How do you reconcile "less is more" with "more is more"?
Challenge 3: Budget Misalignment
One person is happy with budget furniture and thrift store finds. The other wants to invest in quality pieces that will last decades. Both perspectives are valid, but they create tension.
Challenge 4: Attachment to Old Items
That ratty college couch has sentimental value. Your grandmother's china cabinet is hideous but irreplaceable. How do you honor the past while building a new aesthetic together?
Challenge 5: One Person "Doesn't Care" About Decor
One partner has strong opinions about every detail. The other says "whatever you want is fine" but then vetoes every suggestion. Or genuinely doesn't care, leaving all decisions (and work) to one person.
Step 1: Start with Honest Conversations
Before buying anything, talk through these questions together:
About Your Aesthetic Preferences
- What words describe your ideal living space? (cozy, sleek, colorful, minimalist, eclectic, traditional)
- What are three homes or spaces you've loved and why?
- What makes a space feel like "home" to you?
- What do you absolutely hate in home decor?
- Are there specific colors you love or can't stand?
About Budget and Priorities
- How much can/should we spend on furniture and decor?
- Where should we invest vs. save? (Good mattress but cheap coffee table? Or vice versa?)
- What are the must-haves vs. nice-to-haves?
- Are we okay with secondhand/thrifted items?
About Existing Items
- What existing furniture/decor do we both want to keep?
- What needs to go?
- What are you willing to compromise on?
- Are there items with sentimental value that need to stay even if they don't "match"?
About the Process
- Do we both want equal input, or is one person more invested in this?
- How will we make final decisions when we disagree?
- What's our timeline? (Immediate? Gradual over months?)
Step 2: Find Your Shared Aesthetic
You don't have to have identical taste, but you need to find common ground.
The Pinterest/Mood Board Exercise
- Each person independently creates a Pinterest board or photo collection of spaces they love
- Save 20-30 images without overthinking—just what appeals to you
- Come together and look at both boards
- Identify commonalities: Do you both gravitate toward warm colors? Natural materials? Plants? Clean lines?
- Notice differences: Where do your tastes diverge?
- Create a shared board with images you both like
This exercise reveals your aesthetic overlap and helps you speak the same visual language.
The "Yes, No, Maybe" Game
Look at images together and quickly categorize:
- Yes: Both love it
- No: Either person hates it (veto power)
- Maybe: One person loves it, the other is neutral
Focus on the "Yes" pile—these are your aesthetic anchors.
Define Your Shared Style in 3-5 Adjectives
Example: "Cozy modern with natural elements and pops of color"
This becomes your north star when making decisions. Does this rug fit "cozy modern with natural elements"? If yes, consider it. If no, keep looking.
Step 3: Create Zones of Autonomy
You don't have to agree on everything if you create spaces where each person has final say.
Individual Spaces
- Home office/workspace: If you each have a desk area, decorate it your way
- Personal closet: Organize it however you like
- Side of the bedroom: Your nightstand, your rules
- Hobby spaces: Your art corner, their gaming setup
Shared Spaces with Designated Areas
In shared rooms, each person can claim one area:
- One person chooses the living room art, the other chooses throw pillows
- One person decorates the entryway, the other handles the dining area
- You style one bookshelf, they style the other
This gives everyone agency while maintaining overall cohesion.
Step 4: The Art of Compromise
For shared spaces, you'll need to compromise. Here's how to do it gracefully:
Take Turns on Decisions
You choose the couch, they choose the coffee table. You pick bedroom curtains, they pick bathroom decor. Alternating decisions feels fairer than fighting over everything.
Use the "Veto, Not Vote" System
Each person can veto items they truly hate, but you can't veto everything. Save your vetoes for things that genuinely bother you.
Example: You can veto the neon green accent wall, but you can't veto every single couch option they suggest.
The "You Pick Three, I'll Choose One" Method
When someone has stronger preferences:
- The person who cares more finds three options they like
- The other person chooses their favorite from those three
- Everyone gets input, nobody feels steamrolled
Blend Rather Than Choose
Instead of "your style vs. my style," find items that incorporate elements of both.
Example: You want sleek and modern, they want cozy and warm. Solution: Modern furniture in warm wood tones with cozy textiles.
The "Try It Temporarily" Approach
Can't agree? Try one person's choice for a few months. If you still hate it, swap for the other's preference. Commit to giving it a fair shot.
Step 5: Merge Your Existing Stuff
The Brutal Honesty Assessment
Look at each existing item and honestly ask:
- Is it in good condition?
- Do we both like it (or at least not hate it)?
- Does it fit our shared aesthetic?
- Do we have space for it?
- Is it functional?
Keep it if: Yes to most of those questions
Ditch it if: It's worn out, both people dislike it, or it clashes badly with your shared vision
Handling Sentimental Items
That college beer pong table might be hideous, but if it has genuine sentimental value:
- Find a compromise placement: Maybe it goes in the garage, basement, or office rather than the living room
- Reimagine it: Could you refinish it? Repurpose it? Make it less of an eyesore?
- Set a timeline: "Let's keep it for six months, then reassess"
- Photograph and release: Take photos of items for memory's sake, then donate them
The key: Respect that sentimental value is real, even if you don't personally understand the attachment.
When You Both Have the Same Item
Two couches, two coffee tables, two sets of dishes. Decide:
- Keep the better quality one
- Keep the one that fits your shared aesthetic better
- Sell/donate both and buy something new together (fresh start approach)
- Keep both if you have space (extra seating, backup dishes, etc.)
Step 6: Shop Strategically Together
Set a Budget First
Agree on spending limits before shopping to avoid sticker shock and resentment.
Categorize as:
- Invest pieces: Couch, bed, dining table—things you'll use daily for years
- Medium-term pieces: Lamps, rugs, shelving
- Temporary/budget pieces: Decor, accessories, items you might change later
Shop Together (At Least Initially)
For major purchases, go together. It's slower, but it ensures both people feel involved.
Make it fun:
- Grab lunch or coffee during shopping trips
- Set a time limit so it doesn't become exhausting
- Take photos of options to review later rather than impulse buying
- Laugh at the ridiculous stuff you'd never buy
Use the "Sleep On It" Rule
For purchases over a certain amount (decide together—maybe $200+), wait 24 hours before buying. This prevents impulse purchases you'll both regret.
Thrift and Secondhand Together
Vintage stores, estate sales, Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist—shopping secondhand can be:
- Budget-friendly
- Better quality than new budget furniture
- More unique and characterful
- A fun shared activity/adventure
Step 7: Tackle the Actual Decorating
Start with Function, Then Form
Before worrying about aesthetics, ensure your space is functional:
- Furniture placement: Where does the couch actually need to go for TV viewing?
- Lighting: Do you have adequate light for reading, cooking, working?
- Storage: Where will things actually go?
- Flow: Can you move through the space comfortably?
Once function is solved, layer in the decorative elements.
The 60-30-10 Color Rule
A professional design trick that helps blend different preferences:
- 60% - Dominant color: Usually walls, large furniture (neutrals often work best)
- 30% - Secondary color: Accent furniture, rugs, curtains
- 10% - Accent color: Throw pillows, art, accessories
This creates cohesion even when incorporating both people's color preferences.
Layer Textures
Even if you disagree on color, mixing textures creates visual interest:
- Soft (throws, pillows, rugs)
- Hard (wood, metal, glass)
- Natural (plants, stone, woven baskets)
Add Personal Touches from Both of You
- Photos of both of you, your families, your travels
- Books from both your collections
- Art pieces each person loves
- Mementos from your relationship and individual lives
The space should tell the story of both of you, not just one person.
Special Scenario: Moving Into Someone's Established Space
This requires extra intentionality from both partners.
For the Person Who Already Lives There:
- Make space before they arrive: Clear out closets, drawers, shelves. They need room for their belongings.
- Be willing to change things: Yes, even things you love. This is their home now too.
- Don't dismiss their ideas as "ruining" your space: It's no longer just your space.
- Actively ask for their input: "What would make this feel more like your home too?"
- Embrace some changes immediately: Don't make them wait months to feel like they belong.
For the Person Moving In:
- Respect that they've built a home here: Don't demand to change everything immediately.
- Suggest additions rather than replacements: "Can we add this art piece?" vs. "Get rid of that art"
- Start with your personal spaces: Make the bedroom feel like "ours" first, then gradually work on common areas.
- Bring items that make you feel at home: Photos, plants, your favorite mug—small things that signal your presence.
- Be patient but advocate for yourself: It's okay to say "I need this to feel like my home too."
When to Call in Professional Help
If you're truly stuck, consider:
- Interior design consultation: Many designers offer single-session consultations to help you create a cohesive plan
- Online design services: Havenly, Modsy, Decorilla offer affordable remote design help
- Store design services: Many furniture stores offer free or low-cost design consultations
A neutral third party can help mediate style conflicts and find creative solutions you hadn't considered.
Red Flags to Watch For
Decorating conflicts are normal, but watch for these warning signs:
- One person dismisses or mocks the other's taste consistently
- One person makes all decisions without input
- One person's belongings are hidden or relegated to "unimportant" spaces
- Constant fighting with no compromise
- One person using money/ownership to control decisions
These issues are less about decor and more about respect, power dynamics, and partnership equality.
Final Thoughts: It's a Process, Not a Destination
Your first home together won't be perfectly decorated immediately. And that's okay.
Some couples take months or years to fully decorate. You'll try things and change them. Your taste will evolve together. What feels important now might not matter in a year.
The goal isn't to create a magazine-worthy space (though that's a nice bonus). The goal is to create a home where you both feel comfortable, respected, and like you belong.
Embrace the process. Laugh at the mistakes. Celebrate when you find that perfect piece that you both love. Make compromises. Take photos of the evolution.
You're not just decorating a space—you're building a home together. And that's pretty special, even when you can't agree on throw pillow colors.
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