After months or years of video calls, airport goodbyes, and counting down the days, you're finally ready to close the distance. This is the moment you've been waiting for—but it's also one of the biggest life transitions you'll ever make.
Moving to be with your partner (or having them move to you) is exciting, terrifying, and filled with a thousand logistical details. This comprehensive checklist will guide you through every step of the process, from the initial decision to settling into your new life together.
Save this guide and check off each step as you go. You've got this.
Phase 1: Making the Decision (3-6 Months Before)
Step 1: Have the Serious Conversation
Before any logistics, make sure you're both 100% aligned on this decision.
Questions to discuss:
- Are we both ready to live together?
- Who is moving, and why? (If it's not obvious, see our guide on deciding who moves)
- What's our timeline?
- What are our deal-breakers?
- How will we handle finances?
- What happens if it doesn't work out?
Step 2: Set a Realistic Timeline
Closing the distance isn't an overnight process. Create a timeline that accounts for:
- Notice period for current job and apartment
- Visa processing time (if international)
- Time to save money
- Finding new employment
- Mental and emotional preparation
Pro tip: Add buffer time. Things always take longer than expected.
Step 3: Create a Budget
Moving is expensive. Calculate costs for:
- Moving company or truck rental (Get quotes from top moving companies)
- Shipping belongings
- Travel costs
- First month's rent + security deposit
- Visa and legal fees (if applicable)
- New furniture and household items
- Emergency fund (at least 3 months of expenses)
Need help saving? Check out our guide on how to save money for a cross-country move.
Step 4: Research Visa Requirements (If International)
If you're moving countries, start the visa process ASAP. Research:
- Which visa type you qualify for (K-1 fiancé visa, spousal visa, work visa, etc.)
- Required documentation
- Processing times (can be 6-18 months)
- Costs and fees
Start here: Beginner's guide to the K-1 fiancé visa
Phase 2: Logistics & Planning (2-4 Months Before)
Step 5: Secure Employment
Ideally, have a job lined up before moving. Options include:
- Transfer within your current company
- Apply for remote positions
- Start job hunting in the new city 3-4 months in advance
- Network with people in your new city via LinkedIn
Helpful resource: Finding a job in a new city: Complete guide
Step 6: Find Housing
Decide whether you'll:
- Move into your partner's existing place
- Find a new place together
- Get temporary housing first, then apartment hunt together
Tips:
- If possible, visit and view apartments in person
- Use virtual tours and video walkthroughs
- Check reviews of the neighborhood and building
- Understand lease terms and move-in costs
Step 7: Give Notice
Notify your current commitments:
- Employer (typically 2 weeks, but check your contract)
- Landlord (usually 30-60 days required)
- Utility companies
- Any memberships or subscriptions
Step 8: Declutter and Downsize
Moving is the perfect time to minimize. The less you bring, the cheaper and easier the move.
- Sell furniture and large items on Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist
- Donate clothes, books, and household items
- Digitize important documents
- Only keep what truly matters
Step 9: Book Movers or Rental Truck
For long-distance moves:
- Get quotes from at least 3 moving companies
- Read reviews carefully (moving scams are common)
- Confirm insurance coverage
- Book 4-6 weeks in advance for best rates
Alternative: For cross-country moves, consider shipping boxes via USPS/UPS and flying with just essentials.
Step 10: Handle Legal and Financial Tasks
- Update your address with banks, credit cards, and IRS
- Transfer medical records
- Register to vote in your new state
- Update car registration and driver's license (typically within 30 days of moving)
- Research health insurance options
Phase 3: The Move (1 Month Before to Moving Day)
Step 11: Start Packing Early
Begin 3-4 weeks before your move date:
- Pack seasonal items and things you don't use daily
- Label boxes clearly by room and contents
- Keep an "essentials" box for the first few days
- Take photos of electronics setup before disconnecting
Step 12: Say Your Goodbyes
This is harder than it sounds. Make time for:
- Farewell dinners with close friends and family
- Visiting favorite local spots one last time
- Taking photos of your current city
- Acknowledging the grief of leaving
Step 13: Prep Your New Place
If possible, before you arrive:
- Have utilities connected
- Change locks for security
- Deep clean or hire cleaners
- Measure rooms for furniture placement
Step 14: Book Travel
- Book flights or plan your drive route
- Arrange pet transport if needed
- Consider shipping your car vs. driving
- Book hotels for road trip if driving
Step 15: Moving Day Survival Kit
Pack a bag with:
- Change of clothes for 3-4 days
- Toiletries and medications
- Important documents (passport, lease, etc.)
- Phone chargers and electronics
- Snacks and water
- Cleaning supplies
- Bedding for first night
Phase 4: Settling In (First 1-3 Months)
Step 16: Set Up Your New Home
First week priorities:
- Unpack essentials (kitchen, bathroom, bedroom)
- Set up internet and wifi
- Locate nearest grocery store, pharmacy, hospital
- Meet neighbors
- Register with a local doctor/dentist
Step 17: Navigate Living Together
The transition from long-distance to living together is an adjustment. Expect:
- A "honeymoon phase" followed by reality setting in
- Discovering quirks and habits you didn't know about
- Needing to establish boundaries and alone time
- Learning each other's living rhythms
Must read: The first 30 days: Adjusting to living together after long distance
Step 18: Build a Social Life
Don't rely solely on your partner for social connection:
- Join local clubs, sports leagues, or hobby groups
- Use apps like Meetup or Bumble BFF
- Connect with coworkers
- Volunteer in your community
- Attend local events
Learn more: Making friends in a new city as a couple
Step 19: Maintain Your Individual Identity
Moving for love doesn't mean losing yourself:
- Continue hobbies and interests
- Maintain long-distance friendships via calls
- Pursue your career goals
- Create routines that are just for you
- Schedule regular "me time"
Step 20: Check In on Your Relationship
After 1-2 months, have an honest conversation:
- How are we both adjusting?
- What's working well?
- What needs improvement?
- Are we meeting each other's needs?
- How can we support each other better?
Red Flags to Watch For
While adjusting is normal, watch for these warning signs:
- Resentment about who moved or sacrifices made
- One partner becoming controlling or isolating
- Inability to resolve conflicts constructively
- Persistent feelings of regret or depression
- Financial manipulation or abuse
Important: If the relationship becomes unhealthy, remember that you have options. It's okay to prioritize your wellbeing.
Final Thoughts
Closing the distance is one of the most exciting and challenging experiences you'll share as a couple. There will be moments of pure joy and moments of unexpected difficulty. Both are normal.
The couples who succeed are the ones who:
- Communicate openly and honestly
- Give each other grace during the adjustment period
- Maintain realistic expectations
- Support each other's individual growth
- Celebrate the wins, big and small
You've already proven you can handle the distance. Now it's time to prove you can handle being together. And you absolutely can.
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