Pros and Cons of Closing the Distance

Closing the distance seems like an obvious choice when you're in love, but it comes with both beautiful rewards and unexpected challenges. Before you pack up your life and move, it's important to honestly assess what you'll gain—and what you might lose. This comprehensive guide examines both sides so you can make an informed decision.

The Major Pros of Closing the Distance

1. Finally Being Together

The biggest benefit: You get to be with the person you love every day.

• No more countdowns to the next visit
• Daily physical presence and affection
• Spontaneous moments together
• Comfort of falling asleep next to each other
• Sharing daily life instead of narrating it through screens

Reality check: Physical proximity doesn't automatically equal closeness. You'll need to maintain intimacy intentionally.

2. Building a Shared Life

You can finally create the future you've been planning:

• Establish a home together
• Make joint financial and life decisions
• Progress toward long-term goals (marriage, children, etc.)
• Integrate into each other's daily lives
• Create shared routines and traditions

3. Financial Benefits (Sometimes)

Depending on your situation, you might save money:

• No more expensive plane tickets or gas for visits
• Sharing rent and utilities (cheaper than two separate households)
• Combined resources for groceries, streaming services, etc.
• One car instead of two (potentially)
• Building equity together if you buy a home

Reality check: Initial moving costs are significant, and combining finances requires clear communication. See our moving budget template.

4. No More Travel Exhaustion

Long-distance travel takes a toll:

• No more spending weekends in airports or on highways
• Reclaim time previously lost to travel
• Less physical and emotional exhaustion from constant logistics
• Weekends can be relaxing instead of travel-intensive

5. Relationship Clarity

Living together reveals compatibility in ways distance can't:

• You see each other's true daily habits and personalities
• You learn if you're compatible in practical, everyday ways
• You address issues that distance allowed you to avoid
• You move toward making permanent commitments (or discovering you shouldn't)

6. Emotional Relief

The constant stress of distance ends:

• No more anxiety about the sustainability of distance
• Relief from wondering when the gap will close
• Reduced jealousy and trust issues that distance can create
• Less emotional labor of maintaining connection across distance

7. Deeper Connection

Proximity allows different kinds of intimacy:

• Comfort each other during hard times in person
• Non-verbal communication and physical touch
• Shared experiences instead of separate lives
• Being present for mundane and special moments alike

8. Social Integration

Your relationship becomes part of your broader life:

• Friends and family get to know your partner better
• You can attend events together as a couple
• Your social lives can integrate instead of being separate
• Easier to build couple friendships

The Major Cons of Closing the Distance

1. Loss of Independence

Often the biggest shock: You lose the autonomy you had while apart.

• Your schedule now involves someone else's needs and preferences
• Less freedom to make spontaneous plans
• Shared space means less personal space
• Your routines must accommodate another person
• Privacy becomes more limited

How to mitigate: Establish clear boundaries about alone time and personal space from day one. Read about setting expectations before cohabitation.

2. Reality vs. Fantasy

Living together is different from visits:

• Visits were special and intentional; daily life is mundane
• You see each other's worst moments, not just best behavior
• The romance of distance is replaced by the reality of laundry and dishes
• Bad habits and incompatibilities become obvious
• You might realize you idealized the relationship during distance

3. Sacrifice and Resentment Risk

Someone (or both) makes significant sacrifices:

• Leaving family, friends, and support network
• Giving up career opportunities or taking professional steps backward
• Moving away from a place you love
• Starting over socially in a new city
• Risk of resenting your partner for these sacrifices

How to mitigate: Make the decision together, acknowledge sacrifices openly, and actively support the moving partner's integration. See our guide on deciding who moves fairly.

4. Loss of the "Special" Feeling

Distance creates intensity that proximity doesn't:

• Every visit felt like an occasion; now time together is ordinary
• You no longer appreciate small moments as intensely
• The excitement and anticipation of countdowns disappears
• You might take each other for granted
• The relationship requires different kinds of effort to stay vibrant

5. Increased Conflict

Living together reveals differences you could avoid at a distance:

• Differing standards for cleanliness, noise, schedules
• Financial disagreements become immediate and frequent
• Can't escape to separate spaces when angry
• Small annoyances compound when you can't get breaks
• Communication issues you could avoid during distance become unavoidable

6. Homesickness and Adjustment Struggles

For the moving partner especially:

• Deep homesickness for people and places left behind
• Difficulty building new social connections
• Feeling dependent on partner as sole social connection
• Identity crisis ("Who am I if I'm not from [hometown]?")
• Possible depression or anxiety during adjustment period

Learn more about coping with leaving your hometown.

7. Career Impact

Professional consequences can be significant:

• Job search challenges in new city
• Potential salary reduction
• Disrupted career trajectory
• Starting over professionally in unfamiliar market
• Limited opportunities if field is location-specific

Read about navigating career considerations when moving for love.

8. Relationship Pressure

The stakes feel higher when you've made such a big move:

• Feeling like the relationship "has to" work now
• Pressure to be perfect after such a sacrifice
• Guilt if you have doubts or struggles
• Fear that leaving would mean the move was a mistake
• Higher emotional investment makes problems feel more critical

9. Financial Stress

Moving costs money and creates financial strain:

• Significant upfront moving expenses ($5,000-$15,000+)
• Possible gap in income during job search
• Depleted savings from the move
• Stress of merging or coordinating finances
• Different cost of living in new city

10. Imbalanced Relationship Dynamic

One partner has "home field advantage":

• Stationary partner knows the city; moving partner is disoriented
• Stationary partner has established social life; moving partner is lonely
• Power imbalance can develop unintentionally
• Moving partner may feel like a guest in the other's city
• Requires conscious effort to create equal partnership

Comparing Long Distance vs. Living Together

Questions to Ask Before Closing the Distance

For more guidance, read our article on when's the right time to close the distance.

When Closing the Distance Is Worth It

Despite the challenges, closing the distance is often the right choice when:

• You've thoroughly tested compatibility during extended visits
• Both partners are committed and enthusiastic
• You have realistic expectations about the adjustment
• You've planned carefully (financially, career-wise, emotionally)
• You're both willing to work through challenges together
• The relationship has strong foundation of trust and communication
• You share aligned values and life goals
• You're prepared to actively build your new life together

When to Reconsider

Pump the brakes if:

• You haven't spent significant extended time together
• One partner is hesitant or being pressured
• You're moving to "save" a struggling relationship
• You have unresolved trust issues or major conflicts
• You can't afford the move without going into serious debt
• Career sacrifice would be devastating to moving partner
• You're using the move to escape other life problems
• You disagree on fundamental life goals

Consider a trial run before fully committing.

Alternative Options to Consider

Closing the distance isn't your only option:

1. Extended Trial Period

• One partner temporarily relocates for 3-6 months
• Test compatibility before full commitment
• Maintain escape hatch if it doesn't work

2. Third-Location Compromise

• Both partners move to a city that works for both careers
• Neither has home-field advantage
• Fresh start for both

3. Staggered Move

• One partner moves first, gets established
• Second partner joins after 6-12 months
• Reduces financial strain and allows preparation

4. Continued Distance with New Timeline

• Continue distance but with concrete end-date
• Use time to save money, advance careers, strengthen relationship
• Move when circumstances are more favorable

Making It Work: Success Factors

Couples who successfully close the distance typically:

• Communicate constantly: Don't assume proximity equals understanding
• Maintain individual identities: Don't lose yourself in the relationship
• Support the moving partner actively: Help them build a new life
• Keep romance alive intentionally: Date nights, surprises, effort
• Address problems early: Don't let resentment build
• Give it time: 6-12 months to adjust is normal
• Seek help when needed: Therapy isn't failure; it's investment
• Celebrate progress: Acknowledge milestones in your transition

Learn more about what to expect when transitioning from distance to cohabitation.

Final Thoughts

Closing the distance is simultaneously one of the most exciting and challenging decisions you'll make in your relationship. The pros—finally being together, building a shared life, emotional connection—are profound. But the cons—loss of independence, adjustment struggles, sacrifice—are real and significant.

The key is entering this transition with open eyes. Acknowledge both the beautiful and the difficult. Have honest conversations. Plan thoroughly. Set realistic expectations. And commit to working through the challenges together.

For some couples, closing the distance is absolutely the right choice and leads to deep happiness and partnership. For others, the timing isn't right or the sacrifices are too great. There's no universal answer—only what's right for your unique situation.

What matters most is making the decision intentionally, with full awareness of what you're gaining and what you might lose. If you choose to close the distance, do so with commitment, patience, and realistic optimism. If you choose to wait or pursue alternatives, do so without guilt.

Your relationship deserves thoughtful decision-making. Take your time, weigh the pros and cons honestly, and trust yourselves to make the choice that's right for you.

Ready to plan your move? Check out our 6-month moving checklist, emotional preparation guide, and strategies for saving money.