Should You Do a Trial Run Before Moving?

A trial run—where one partner temporarily relocates before making the move permanent—can be a smart way to test compatibility and logistics before fully committing. But it's not right for every couple, and if done poorly, it can create more problems than it solves. This guide helps you decide if a trial run makes sense and how to structure it for success.

What Is a Trial Run?

A trial run involves one partner temporarily moving to the other's location for an extended period (typically 1-6 months) to test living together before making a permanent move.

Common Trial Run Scenarios:

• Extended stay: One partner stays 4-12 weeks to test daily life together
• Temporary relocation: One partner moves for 3-6 months while maintaining ties to current location
• Remote work trial: Partner works remotely from the other's city for several months
• Sabbatical or leave: Taking time off work to spend extended period together
• Summer/seasonal trial: Using natural breaks (summer, winter) for extended cohabitation

Benefits of a Trial Run

1. Test Compatibility in Real Life

Weekend visits don't reveal everyday compatibility:

• You see each other's actual daily habits and routines
• You experience mundane life together, not just vacation mode
• You discover incompatibilities before making permanent commitments
• You learn how you handle conflict when you can't escape to separate homes
• You test whether the fantasy of living together matches reality

2. Reduce Risk of Major Mistake

A trial run provides an exit strategy:

• You haven't burned bridges at your current job
• You can return to your city if things don't work out
• Financial risk is lower (no permanent housing commitments)
• Emotional stakes feel less all-or-nothing
• You can make adjustments before fully committing

3. Test the City and Logistics

Living somewhere is different from visiting:

• You experience the new city as a resident, not a tourist
• You understand commute times, cost of living, daily logistics
• You can job search while experiencing the market firsthand
• You test how you feel being away from your support network
• You see if the city actually fits your lifestyle

4. Build Confidence in Your Decision

A successful trial run removes doubt:

• You move forward with certainty rather than hope
• You've addressed potential issues before permanent move
• You feel more confident explaining the move to family/friends
• You've gathered real data about your compatibility

5. Identify and Address Issues

Problems that emerge can be fixed before permanent move:

• You discover pet peeves and can discuss solutions
• You identify household division of labor that works
• You realize what space and alone time you each need
• You establish communication patterns for conflicts

Drawbacks of a Trial Run

1. Temporary Nature Creates Artificiality

A trial isn't quite real life:

• Both partners might be on "best behavior" since it's temporary
• You might avoid difficult conversations knowing it's not permanent
• The pressure of being evaluated can create performance anxiety
• You might not fully settle in or build a life since you might leave

2. Financial Strain

Maintaining two lives is expensive:

• Keeping apartment/belongings in your current city while trying new one
• Potentially not working or reduced income during trial
• Travel costs to set up and return from trial
• Double rent or housing costs
• Depleting savings you'd use for actual move

3. Career Complications

Taking extended time away from work is challenging:

• Not everyone can work remotely for extended periods
• Taking unpaid leave affects finances and career trajectory
• Explaining to employer can be awkward
• Might miss important opportunities during trial period

4. Relationship Pressure

The trial itself creates stress:

• "Audition" feeling can make both partners anxious
• Fear that normal conflicts will "fail" the trial
• Pressure to make a decision by end of trial period
• Guilt or disappointment if trial reveals incompatibilities

5. Limbo Feeling

Neither fully committed nor fully separate:

• Hard to fully invest in building new life when it might be temporary
• Difficult to maintain old life while testing new one
• Uncertainty can be emotionally draining
• Friends and family might not understand the situation

Who Should Consider a Trial Run?

Good Candidates for Trial Run:

• Younger relationships: Together less than 18 months
• Limited in-person time: Haven't spent more than a week or two together continuously
• Remote workers: Can work from anywhere for extended period
• Uncertain about city: Unsure if destination location is right fit
• Risk-averse personalities: Need to test before committing
• Significant sacrifice involved: One partner giving up a lot to move
• Family pressure or skepticism: Trial can demonstrate you're being thoughtful
• Previous cohabitation concerns: Past living situations didn't work out

Can Skip Trial Run If:

• You've already spent multiple weeks or months living together
• You're both highly confident in your compatibility
• Financial strain of trial would prevent actual move
• Neither partner can feasibly do a trial (job constraints)
• You're already engaged or committed long-term
• You've successfully navigated extended cohabitation before

How Long Should a Trial Run Last?

Too Short (Less Than 3 Weeks):

• Still feels like an extended visit, not real life
• Honeymoon period doesn't wear off
• Don't experience full range of daily life
• Not enough time to test routines and habits

Sweet Spot (4-12 Weeks):

• Long enough to experience real daily life
• Novelty wears off and you see authentic selves
• Can test household management and routines
• Feasible for most work situations (remote work, vacation time)
• Financially manageable for most couples

Extended Trial (3-6 Months):

• Most thorough testing of compatibility
• Can job search and test employment prospects
• Experience seasons and cycles together
• Build some social connections in new city
• May require unpaid leave or job change

Too Long (6+ Months):

• Crosses into just living together (no longer a "trial")
• Maintaining two lives becomes unsustainable
• Creates unnecessary limbo and uncertainty
• Should either commit or acknowledge incompatibility

Recommendation: 6-8 weeks is ideal for most couples. Long enough for reality, short enough to be feasible.

How to Structure an Effective Trial Run

1. Set Clear Expectations and Goals

Before the trial begins, discuss:

Read our guide on setting clear expectations.

2. Live as Realistically as Possible

Don't treat it like a vacation:

• Maintain work schedules (even if working remotely)
• Split household chores and responsibilities
• Cook at home, do laundry, handle mundane tasks together
• Establish routines similar to what permanent life would look like
• Don't spend the entire time doing tourist activities
• Allow for boring, ordinary days

3. Test Specific Compatibility Areas

Intentionally evaluate important factors:

• Living habits: Cleanliness, noise, schedules, space needs
• Conflict resolution: How do you handle disagreements in close quarters?
• Alone time needs: How much space does each person require?
• Division of labor: Who does what household tasks?
• Financial habits: How do you handle money, spending, saving?
• Social integration: Can moving partner build connections?
• Intimacy: Does physical relationship change with constant proximity?

4. Explore the City Actively

The trial should test the location too:

• Visit neighborhoods and envision living there
• Test commutes to potential workplaces
• Try different grocery stores, gyms, services
• Attend events and meet people
• Assess cost of living in daily life
• Experience weather and seasonal factors

5. Schedule Regular Check-Ins

Don't wait until the end to discuss how it's going:

• Have weekly check-ins: "How are you feeling about this?"
• Discuss what's working and what's challenging
• Address small issues before they become big problems
• Adjust expectations or logistics as needed
• Be honest even if it's uncomfortable

6. Plan for Both Outcomes

Have a concrete plan for success AND for challenges:

• If trial goes well: Timeline for permanent move, next steps
• If trial reveals issues: Can they be addressed? Do you need more time?
• If trial fails: How do you end things gracefully? Can the relationship continue long-distance?

Practical Logistics of a Trial Run

Housing During Trial

Options for where to stay:

• Partner's current place: Most realistic but can feel crowded; moving partner may feel like a guest
• Temporary furnished rental: More independent but expensive and less realistic
• Sublet or Airbnb: Flexible timing but costly for extended stays
• New place together: Most realistic but financially risky if trial doesn't work

Recommendation: Stay in partner's current place if possible, but establish that it's "our space" for the duration.

Financial Arrangements

Discuss money openly:

• Who pays for what during the trial?
• How do you split groceries, utilities, entertainment?
• Does visiting partner contribute to rent?
• What happens to deposits or prepaid items if trial doesn't work?
• How do you budget for both current location and trial location?

Work Arrangements

Options for maintaining income:

• Remote work: Ideal if your job allows it
• Vacation time: Use PTO for trial period
• Unpaid leave: If employer allows sabbatical
• Temporary work: Freelance or contract work during trial
• Savings: Live off savings if trial is short enough

See our guide on talking to your employer about relocation.

Belongings and Commitments

What to do with your current life:

• Keep apartment and possessions in place (if financially feasible)
• Have a friend check mail and handle issues
• Maintain minimum viable presence in current city
• Don't fully relocate belongings until decision is made
• Be strategic about what you bring for the trial

Red Flags During Trial Run

Warning signs that suggest the move might not work:

• Constant conflict: Fighting more than usual, unable to resolve issues
• Feeling trapped: Counting down days until trial ends
• Resentment building: Anger at partner for small things
• Missing home intensely: Homesickness that doesn't improve
• Avoiding hard conversations: Not addressing obvious problems
• Relief when apart: Feeling better when partner is at work or out
• Fundamental incompatibilities: Discovering dealbreakers (cleanliness, lifestyle, values)
• City is wrong fit: Genuinely hating the location
• Relationship feels different: Chemistry or connection feels off in person

These don't automatically mean failure, but they require serious discussion.

Green Lights During Trial Run

Signs the move will likely work:

• Conflicts arise but you resolve them constructively
• You enjoy mundane daily life together
• You each feel comfortable being yourselves
• You've established comfortable routines and rhythms
• The moving partner can envision building a life in the city
• You have bad days but they don't make you question the relationship
• You're excited about the prospect of making this permanent
• Small annoyances don't feel like dealbreakers

Making a Decision After the Trial

Debrief Together

At the end of the trial, have an honest conversation:

Three Possible Outcomes

1. Green Light: Proceed with Move

• Trial confirmed compatibility and confidence
• Move forward with permanent relocation plans
• Use insights from trial to make permanent move smoother
• Celebrate that you tested thoroughly before committing

2. Yellow Light: Need More Time or Adjustments

• Trial revealed issues that are addressable
• Extend trial if feasible, or plan another trial period
• Work on specific problems before committing to permanent move
• Consider couples therapy to address challenges

3. Red Light: Don't Move (Yet or At All)

• Trial revealed fundamental incompatibilities
• Either city is wrong fit or relationship isn't ready
• Better to discover this now than after permanent move
• Decide: continue long-distance, try different location, or end relationship

When Trial Run Reveals Problems

What if the trial doesn't go well?

Processing a "Failed" Trial

• Reframe it: The trial succeeded in giving you important information
• Don't rush to end relationship: Some issues are specific to circumstances, not the relationship itself
• Identify what went wrong: City? Timing? Living compatibility? External stress?
• Consider alternatives: Different city? More time long-distance? Different living arrangement?
• Be grateful for clarity: Better to know now than after permanent, expensive move

Options After Unsuccessful Trial

• Continue long-distance and try different city in future
• Address specific issues (therapy, communication work) and try again later
• Both move to third location (fresh start for both)
• Acknowledge incompatibility and end relationship

Success Stories: When Trial Runs Work

Many couples benefit from trial runs:

• Couple discovered they needed more space than anticipated; rented larger apartment before move
• Partner realized they hated the destination city; chose different city that worked for both
• Trial revealed communication issues; did couples therapy before permanent move
• Moving partner job-searched during trial and had offer before permanent relocation
• Couple confirmed strong compatibility and moved with confidence

Final Thoughts

A trial run isn't necessary for every couple, but for many, it's a valuable investment in your future. It allows you to test the theory of living together with the reality, reduce risk, and build confidence in your decision.

The key is structuring the trial thoughtfully: clear expectations, realistic living, honest communication, and willingness to act on what you learn. Whether the trial confirms you should move or reveals you shouldn't, the information is valuable.

Don't view a challenging trial as failure. It's success if it gives you clarity, whether that's "yes, let's do this" or "we need to rethink our approach." The goal isn't to have a perfect trial—it's to gather real data about your compatibility and readiness.

If you can afford it (financially and logistically) and you have doubts or limited in-person experience, a trial run is worth considering. It's far easier to return from a 6-week trial than to undo a permanent cross-country move.

Ready to plan your move? Check out our guides on deciding who moves, timing your relocation, transitioning to living together, and your 6-month moving timeline.