Long-distance relationships can be deeply rewarding, but they also come with unique psychological challenges. The constant separation, communication hurdles, and uncertainty about the future can take a significant toll on your mental health.
While some stress and occasional sadness are normal in any LDR, there's a line between typical relationship challenges and genuine mental health concerns. Recognizing when that line has been crossed is crucial for protecting your wellbeing and the health of your relationship.
This article will help you identify seven key warning signs that your long-distance relationship may be negatively impacting your mental health, and provide guidance on what to do if you're experiencing them.
Sign 1: Persistent Anxiety That Disrupts Daily Life
Some anxiety in an LDR is normal—worrying before visits, feeling nervous about the relationship's future, or experiencing occasional jealousy or insecurity. However, when anxiety becomes constant and interferes with your ability to function, it's a red flag.
Warning signs:
- You can't concentrate at work or school because you're constantly worried about your relationship
- You check your phone obsessively, unable to relax until you hear from your partner
- You experience physical symptoms like racing heart, difficulty breathing, or panic attacks
- You create worst-case scenarios in your mind constantly
- You need constant reassurance from your partner that they still love you
- You feel on edge or irritable most of the time
What it means: While the long-distance situation may trigger anxiety, persistent, disruptive anxiety is a mental health issue that requires attention. It may be generalized anxiety disorder, relationship anxiety, or attachment-related anxiety.
What to do: Read our comprehensive guide on managing anxiety in long-distance relationships and consider speaking with a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been proven highly effective for relationship-related anxiety.
Sign 2: Depression Symptoms That Won't Go Away
Missing your partner and feeling sad sometimes is different from clinical depression. Depression is characterized by persistent low mood and loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy.
Warning signs:
- You feel sad, empty, or hopeless most days for weeks or months
- You've lost interest in hobbies, friends, and activities you used to love
- Your sleep patterns have changed significantly (sleeping too much or struggling with insomnia)
- You have difficulty getting out of bed or motivating yourself to do basic tasks
- Your appetite has changed dramatically (eating much more or much less)
- You have difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- You have thoughts of self-harm or that life isn't worth living
What it means: The stress and isolation of a long-distance relationship can trigger or worsen depression, especially if you're predisposed to it or have experienced it before.
What to do: Depression is a serious medical condition that requires professional treatment. Read our article on depression and long distance relationships, and please reach out to a mental health professional. If you're having thoughts of self-harm, call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline immediately.
Important: Depression is highly treatable with therapy, medication, or a combination of both. You don't have to suffer through this alone.
Sign 3: Social Isolation and Withdrawal
When you're deeply invested in a long-distance relationship, it's easy to let other relationships and activities fall by the wayside. But if you've become significantly isolated, it's a warning sign.
Warning signs:
- You've stopped making plans with friends because you're always waiting to hear from your partner
- You decline social invitations regularly to stay home and video chat
- You've withdrawn from family and friends who expressed concerns about your relationship
- You feel like your partner is your only source of emotional support
- You no longer participate in clubs, hobbies, or activities you once enjoyed
- You feel disconnected from the people and community around you
What it means: Social isolation can be both a symptom of mental health issues (like depression) and a cause of them. Humans need diverse social connections to thrive. Relying solely on your long-distance partner for all your social and emotional needs is neither healthy nor sustainable.
What to do: Make a conscious effort to rebuild your local support network. Start small—reach out to one friend, say yes to one invitation, join one group or class. Read our guide on coping with loneliness for strategies on building a fulfilling life while in an LDR.
Sign 4: Neglecting Self-Care and Personal Wellbeing
When all your emotional energy goes into maintaining your relationship, basic self-care often suffers.
Warning signs:
- You've stopped exercising or moving your body regularly
- You're eating poorly—either skipping meals or relying on junk food
- Your sleep schedule is disrupted (staying up late to accommodate time zones, for example)
- You've let your personal hygiene or appearance slip
- You're neglecting medical or dental appointments
- You no longer engage in activities that used to bring you joy or relaxation
- Your living space has become cluttered or unclean
What it means: Neglecting self-care is often a sign of depression, anxiety, or emotional exhaustion. It can also be a coping mechanism—if you're pouring all your energy into your relationship, there's nothing left for yourself.
What to do: Start with one small self-care habit and build from there. Our guide to self-care strategies for long-distance relationships offers practical, achievable steps. Remember: taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's necessary for being a good partner.
Sign 5: Constant Emotional Exhaustion
Relationships should energize you overall, even if they require effort. If you feel perpetually drained, something isn't right.
Warning signs:
- Every conversation with your partner feels like work
- You feel emotionally numb or detached
- You dread video calls or conversations instead of looking forward to them
- You feel constantly stressed about the relationship
- You have no energy left for other aspects of your life
- You feel like you're just going through the motions
- The relationship feels more exhausting than fulfilling
What it means: Emotional exhaustion, also called burnout, can result from several factors: unrealistic communication expectations, unresolved conflict, lack of progress toward closing the distance, or fundamental incompatibility masked by the distance.
What to do: Read our article on recognizing and preventing emotional exhaustion. Consider taking a communication break (after discussing it with your partner) or reassessing the sustainability of your current relationship patterns. If exhaustion persists, couples therapy can help—see our guide to online therapy for LDR couples.
Sign 6: Loss of Identity and Personal Goals
Your relationship should complement your life, not consume it entirely. If you've lost sight of who you are outside the relationship, your mental health is at risk.
Warning signs:
- You can't remember the last time you did something just for yourself
- Your personal goals and ambitions have taken a backseat to relationship logistics
- You make all decisions based on what your partner wants or needs
- You're not sure who you are anymore outside of being someone's partner
- You've given up opportunities (jobs, education, friendships) solely to accommodate the relationship
- Your entire identity feels wrapped up in the relationship
- You feel like you're losing yourself
What it means: This pattern often indicates codependency, where your sense of self becomes overly enmeshed with your partner. It can also be a sign that you're using the relationship to avoid dealing with your own life challenges or insecurities.
What to do: Read our article on codependency vs closeness in long distance to understand the difference between healthy interdependence and unhealthy enmeshment. Work on reconnecting with your individual identity, goals, and passions. Individual therapy can be particularly helpful for this.
Sign 7: Your Relationship Triggers More Distress Than Joy
This is perhaps the most important sign: when you honestly evaluate your relationship, do you feel more pain than happiness?
Questions to ask yourself:
- Do I feel more anxious, sad, or stressed since entering this relationship?
- Do I spend more time crying or upset than happy and content?
- Do I feel worse about myself since being in this relationship?
- Am I staying in this relationship out of love, or out of fear, guilt, or obligation?
- Would I recommend this relationship dynamic to a friend?
- Is the relationship adding to my life, or taking away from it?
What it means: While long-distance relationships involve sacrifice and difficult moments, they should still be net positive in your life. If the relationship consistently makes you feel worse, not better, it's either fundamentally unhealthy or simply not sustainable in its current form.
What to do: This requires honest self-reflection and possibly honest conversations with your partner. Consider working with a therapist individually to gain clarity. Review our article on red flags in long-distance relationships to help identify whether specific relationship dynamics are problematic.
What to Do If You Recognize These Signs
If you identified with several of these warning signs, here's what you should do:
1. Don't Ignore or Minimize Your Feelings
It's tempting to tell yourself "I'm just being dramatic" or "other people have it worse." But your feelings are valid. If your mental health is suffering, it deserves attention regardless of whether others might be struggling more.
2. Talk to Your Partner (If It Feels Safe)
If your relationship is generally healthy, share what you're experiencing with your partner. Use "I" statements and focus on how you feel, not on blaming them:
"I've been struggling with my mental health lately, and I think the stress of the distance is part of it. I'd like to talk about some changes we could make to help me feel better."
For tips on this conversation, read our guide on supporting your partner's mental health from afar—it includes advice for both the supporting partner and the person struggling.
Important exception: If your partner is contributing to your mental health struggles through controlling behavior, emotional abuse, or manipulation, involving them in your healing may not be appropriate. In those cases, seek professional guidance first.
3. Seek Professional Support
Mental health concerns require mental health professionals. Consider:
- Individual therapy: To work through depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues
- Couples therapy: To address relationship dynamics that may be contributing to your distress (our guide to online couples therapy can help you get started)
- Support groups: Both for mental health conditions and for people in long-distance relationships
- Psychiatric evaluation: If symptoms are severe, medication may be helpful alongside therapy
Finding a therapist: Look for licensed mental health professionals with experience in relationship issues and/or long-distance relationships. Many therapists now offer telehealth appointments, making them accessible regardless of where you live.
4. Prioritize Self-Care and Boundaries
While working on deeper issues, implement immediate self-care practices:
- Set communication boundaries that protect your sleep and work schedule
- Make time for physical activity, healthy eating, and adequate sleep
- Reconnect with friends, family, and activities outside the relationship
- Practice stress-reduction techniques like meditation or journaling
- Limit behaviors that worsen mental health (social media stalking, obsessive checking of messages, etc.)
Our comprehensive guide to self-care strategies for LDRs provides actionable steps.
5. Consider Whether the Relationship Is Sustainable
This is difficult, but important: sometimes a relationship can be loving and genuine, but still not healthy for you. Ask yourself:
- Is there a realistic plan and timeline for closing the distance?
- Are both people equally committed to making this work?
- Can you maintain your mental health while in this relationship?
- Are the relationship dynamics themselves problematic, or just the distance?
If the relationship fundamentally isn't sustainable or healthy, ending it may be the best choice for your wellbeing. This doesn't mean the love wasn't real—it means you're prioritizing your mental health, which is an act of self-respect.
Building Resilience for Long-Distance Mental Health
If you're committed to making your LDR work while protecting your mental health, focus on building emotional resilience:
- Develop a strong support system beyond your partner
- Maintain your individual identity and goals
- Practice healthy communication and conflict resolution
- Create a realistic plan for the future
- Learn to self-soothe and regulate your emotions
- Regular self-assessment of your mental health
Read our guide on building emotional resilience during distance for detailed strategies.
Final Thoughts
Your mental health is not a sacrifice you should make for any relationship, including a long-distance one. While LDRs require compromise and effort, they shouldn't require compromising your psychological wellbeing.
If you recognize yourself in these warning signs, please take them seriously. Seeking help isn't a sign of weakness or relationship failure—it's a sign of self-awareness and strength. Many people in long-distance relationships struggle with mental health challenges. With the right support and strategies, it's possible to maintain both a healthy relationship and healthy mental wellbeing.
Remember: you deserve to feel good in your relationship and in your life. If the distance is making that impossible, it's okay to reassess, seek help, or even walk away. Your mental health matters, and protecting it is always the right choice.
Crisis resources: If you're in immediate distress, please reach out:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call or text 988
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline: 1-800-950-6264
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