The hardest part of a long-distance relationship isn't the distance itself—it's not knowing when or how it will end. Having a concrete plan for closing the distance transforms your LDR from an indefinite waiting game into a purposeful journey with a destination.
But creating this plan isn't as simple as picking a date and booking a moving truck. It requires honest conversations, realistic assessments, careful planning, and often, significant compromise from both partners.
This guide will walk you through every step of creating a closing the distance plan that's both ambitious and achievable.
Step 1: Acknowledge That You Need a Plan
The first step is recognizing that your relationship needs an endpoint to the distance. Without one, you risk:
- Indefinite frustration and resentment
- Growing apart as you build separate lives
- Eventual burnout from the effort required
- Missed opportunities because you're "waiting" for something undefined
When to start planning:
There's no perfect time, but most couples benefit from starting this conversation after 6-12 months of dating, once you've weathered some challenges and know you want a future together. If you're already years into an LDR without a plan, start this conversation today.
Step 2: Have the Hard Conversations First
Before you can create a logistical plan, you need alignment on the fundamental questions.
Essential questions to discuss:
- Are we both committed to closing the distance eventually?
- What does "eventually" mean to each of us? (Months? Years? Five years?)
- Is one person more willing or able to move than the other?
- Are we willing to relocate to a third location if needed?
- What are our non-negotiables? (Career, family proximity, climate, etc.)
- How do we feel about the sacrifices closing the distance will require?
- Are we on the same timeline for major milestones (engagement, marriage, children)?
These conversations can be uncomfortable, but avoiding them only delays inevitable conflicts. Our guide on talking about the future without pressure can help you navigate these discussions.
Important: If one person wants to close the distance and the other doesn't, or if your timelines are vastly different (one wants to move in six months, the other not for five years), you have a serious compatibility issue that needs to be addressed before making any plans.
Step 3: Assess Your Current Situations Honestly
Reality check time. What's actually possible given your current circumstances?
For each partner, evaluate:
Career Factors
- Can your job be done remotely?
- How transferable are your skills to a new location?
- Are you in a career stage where relocation is feasible?
- Would moving require starting over professionally?
- Do you have contractual obligations or commitments?
Financial Factors
- Do you have savings for relocation costs?
- Can you afford to be temporarily unemployed during a move?
- What's the cost of living difference between your locations?
- Do you have debt that ties you to your current location?
- Can you support yourself independently in a new location?
Education Factors
- Are you in the middle of a degree program?
- Can you transfer schools or study online?
- How many years of education do you have remaining?
- Would moving jeopardize scholarships or opportunities?
Personal Factors
- How close are you to family, and how important is that proximity?
- Do you have dependents (children, elderly parents) to consider?
- What's your support system like, and how would you replace it?
- Are there health or medical considerations?
- How adaptable are you to new environments?
Legal/Immigration Factors
- If international: What visa options exist?
- What's the realistic timeline for legal relocation?
- Are there citizenship or residency restrictions?
- Would marriage facilitate the move? How do you both feel about that?
Be brutally honest in this assessment. Wishful thinking won't get you closer to living together—realistic planning will.
Step 4: Explore All Possible Scenarios
Most couples assume one person must move to the other's location, but there are actually several options to consider.
Scenario A: Partner A moves to Partner B's location
Pros and cons for Partner A:
- Pro: Partner B has established career, housing, support system
- Pro: Only one person faces disruption
- Con: Partner A starts over professionally and socially
- Con: Risk of resentment if Partner A feels they sacrificed more
- Con: Partner A may feel isolated, especially initially
Scenario B: Partner B moves to Partner A's location
Same dynamics as Scenario A, just reversed. Carefully consider which person's situation makes more sense to uproot.
Scenario C: Both move to a third location
This option is often overlooked but can be ideal:
- Pro: Equal sacrifice and equal fresh start
- Pro: Can choose location based on job opportunities for both
- Pro: No one feels they "gave up" their life
- Con: Both partners start over with no support system
- Con: More expensive and complicated
- Con: Requires both partners to be highly adaptable
Scenario D: Gradual transition
Instead of a single move, one partner gradually transitions over months or years:
- Extending visits to weeks or months
- Spending summers or off-seasons in one location
- Maintaining dual residences temporarily
- One partner relocating but maintaining ties to their original location
Scenario E: Taking turns (if both have flexible careers)
For couples where both partners can work remotely or have flexible careers, consider:
- 6 months in each location
- Choosing a new city together every year
- Digital nomad lifestyle
Step 5: Create a Realistic Timeline
Now that you've explored scenarios, it's time to get specific with dates and milestones.
Your timeline should include:
Immediate Actions (0-3 months)
- Agree on which scenario you're pursuing
- Start researching job markets, housing costs, visa requirements
- Begin saving money specifically for the move
- Create a shared document or planning space
Short-term Milestones (3-12 months)
- Person relocating begins job searching or exploring remote work options
- Complete necessary applications (school transfers, visa paperwork, etc.)
- Visit the destination city together if possible
- Start decluttering and preparing for the move
- Build emergency fund for relocation
Medium-term Milestones (1-2 years)
- Secure employment or remote work arrangement
- Complete education requirements if applicable
- Process visa or legal paperwork
- Begin apartment hunting or housing search
- Give notice at current job, end lease, etc.
Move Preparation (2-6 months before)
- Finalize housing arrangements
- Book movers or plan DIY move
- Transfer utilities, update addresses, etc.
- Make travel arrangements
- Say goodbyes and have going-away celebrations
Post-Move Adjustment (first 6 months)
- Allow time for settling in
- Build new routines as a cohabitating couple
- Establish support system in new location
- Regular check-ins about adjustment
For a comprehensive checklist, see our complete closing the distance checklist.
Step 6: Create Your Future Planning Timeline Together
Document your plan in a format you can both access and update. This creates accountability and helps you track progress.
Your plan should include:
- Target date for closing the distance
- Backup dates if primary plans fall through
- Milestone checkpoints with specific dates
- Action items assigned to each partner
- Financial goals and savings targets
- Decision points where you'll reassess the plan
Check out our guide on creating a future planning timeline together for detailed templates and strategies.
Step 7: Address the Tough Questions Before Moving
Before anyone packs a box, make sure you've honestly discussed these crucial topics:
- Will you live together immediately or date locally first?
- How will you split expenses?
- What happens if the relocating partner can't find work?
- What if you realize you're incompatible when living together?
- How will you handle homesickness and adjustment difficulties?
- What's the expectation around engagement or marriage?
- How will you support the person who moved if they struggle?
We've compiled 20 essential questions to ask before moving for a relationship that can guide these conversations.
Step 8: Build in Flexibility and Backup Plans
Even the best plans encounter obstacles. Build resilience into yours.
Consider:
- What if the job offer falls through?
- What if visa processing takes longer than expected?
- What if you can't afford the move on your timeline?
- What if family emergencies delay plans?
- What if one person gets an amazing opportunity in a different location?
For each "what if," have at least a preliminary discussion about how you'd handle it. This prevents panic and conflict when life inevitably throws curveballs.
Step 9: Manage Expectations About Life After Closing the Distance
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is assuming that once the distance closes, everything will be perfect.
Reality check:
- The adjustment period can be harder than you expect
- You'll discover annoying habits you didn't know existed
- The person who moved may feel isolated and homesick
- Your communication patterns will need to evolve
- Some of the "magic" of reunions disappears when you're together daily
- Financial stress is common after a major move
- You might idealize each other less and become more "real"
This doesn't mean closing the distance is bad—it's wonderful! But entering with realistic expectations prevents disappointment.
Step 10: Schedule Regular Check-Ins
Your plan shouldn't be a static document you create once and forget about.
Schedule regular reviews:
- Monthly: Quick check on progress toward milestones
- Quarterly: Deeper conversation about whether the plan still works
- Annually: Major review of timeline and goals
- As needed: When circumstances change significantly
During check-ins, discuss:
- What progress have we made?
- What obstacles have we encountered?
- Do we need to adjust our timeline or approach?
- Are we both still committed to this plan?
- What's our next milestone?
- How are we feeling about the sacrifice and effort required?
When One Partner Is Doing Most of the Sacrificing
In most closing the distance scenarios, one person relocates while the other stays put. This inherently means unequal sacrifice.
For the person staying:
- Acknowledge the magnitude of your partner's sacrifice regularly
- Make concrete efforts to help them build a new life
- Be patient with homesickness and adjustment struggles
- Take on more of the logistical burden in areas you can
- Don't take their sacrifice for granted
For the person moving:
- Be honest about your feelings rather than building resentment
- Take responsibility for building your own social life and identity
- Don't hold the sacrifice over your partner's head in arguments
- Find things to love about your new location
- Remember you chose this for the relationship, not as a favor
What If You Can't Agree on a Plan?
If after honest effort, you and your partner can't align on a closing the distance plan, you have three options:
1. Compromise more creatively: Have you truly explored all scenarios? Would couples therapy help you work through the impasse?
2. Accept a longer timeline: Maybe you can't close the distance now, but you can in 2-3 years. Can the relationship survive that wait?
3. Acknowledge incompatibility: Sometimes two people love each other but want incompatible futures. This is painful but better to recognize now than after someone has already relocated. Our guide on knowing when it's time to end your LDR can help you navigate this decision.
The Power of Having a Plan
Even if your closing the distance plan is years away, having one transforms your relationship. It turns the distance from an indefinite burden into a temporary challenge you're conquering together.
It gives you something to work toward, milestones to celebrate, and hope that the sacrifice has a purpose and an endpoint.
Most importantly, creating this plan together—negotiating, compromising, problem-solving—is practice for the kind of teamwork that makes marriages work.
Final Thoughts
Creating a closing the distance plan won't be easy. It will require difficult conversations, uncomfortable compromises, and vulnerability from both partners.
But having a clear, shared vision for your future together is one of the most powerful things you can do for your long-distance relationship.
So start today. Open the conversation. Begin exploring options. Take the first small step toward the life you want to build together.
The distance won't close itself—but with planning, commitment, and teamwork, you can close it together.
Related reading: Continue planning your future with our guides on questions to ask before moving, creating a timeline together, and understanding your relationship timeline.