Moving for love is one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make. It's romantic, terrifying, exciting, and risky all at once. You're potentially leaving behind your career, friends, family, and familiar environment for the promise of a future with someone you love.
But before you book that one-way ticket or sign that lease, you need to have some serious conversations—with your partner and with yourself.
These 20 questions will help you determine if you're making a well-informed decision or setting yourself up for regret.
Questions About Your Relationship Foundation
1. Have we successfully navigated significant conflict together?
Moving for someone you've only experienced the "good times" with is risky. Before you relocate, you should have experienced:
- At least one major argument and successful resolution
- Stress or difficulty in each of your lives and seen how you support each other
- Disagreement about something important and found compromise
Why this matters: Conflict reveals character and compatibility. If you haven't fought yet, you don't know how you fight—and that matters more than how you love.
Our guide on conflict resolution strategies can help you understand if you have healthy patterns established.
2. Do I trust this person completely?
Moving for someone requires profound trust. You'll be vulnerable in ways you've never been—in a new city, potentially without a job or friends, dependent on this person for your primary emotional support.
Ask yourself:
- Do I believe my partner is honest with me?
- Have they demonstrated reliability and consistency?
- Do I feel secure in their commitment to me?
- Have they given me reason to doubt them?
If trust is an issue, read our comprehensive guide on building trust in long-distance relationships before making any moving decisions.
3. Have we spent significant time together in person?
Virtual chemistry doesn't always translate to in-person compatibility. Before moving, you should have:
- Spent at least several extended visits together (a week or more)
- Experienced daily life together, not just vacation mode
- Seen each other first thing in the morning and last thing at night
- Dealt with mundane life tasks together (grocery shopping, cleaning, paying bills)
Red flag: If you've never spent more than a weekend together, moving is premature.
4. What is our track record on keeping commitments to each other?
Look at your history:
- Does your partner follow through on what they say they'll do?
- Have plans for visits been made and kept?
- When your partner makes promises, do they deliver?
- Have there been patterns of flaking, canceling, or changing plans?
Why this matters: Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. If your partner hasn't been reliable about small commitments, don't expect them to suddenly become reliable about the massive commitment of your relocation.
Questions About Practical Logistics
5. What is my financial safety net?
Moving without financial security is dangerous, even if your partner is supportive.
Before moving, you should have:
- At least 3-6 months of expenses saved
- A job secured OR highly transferable skills
- Understanding of the cost of living in your new location
- Health insurance coverage figured out
- Enough money for an emergency return home if needed
Critical question: If this relationship ended tomorrow, could I support myself independently in this new location?
6. Will we be living together immediately?
There's no right answer here, but you need to be aligned.
Living together immediately:
- Pro: More economical and practical
- Pro: Get to truly know each other quickly
- Con: No escape if you need space
- Con: Relationship pressure is intense
Living separately at first:
- Pro: Gives you independence and space
- Pro: Allows you to build a life separate from your partner
- Con: More expensive
- Con: Can feel like you're still doing long-distance
Make sure you both agree on the plan before anyone moves.
7. How will we handle finances as a couple?
Get specific about money before moving:
- Will we split rent and bills 50/50 or proportionally to income?
- If I'm unemployed initially, what are the expectations?
- Will we keep separate bank accounts or combine finances?
- How do we each feel about debt and spending?
- What happens if one of us wants to make a large purchase?
Important: Financial disagreements are a leading cause of relationship problems. Hash this out before moving day.
8. What is my backup plan if this doesn't work out?
This isn't pessimistic—it's practical. You need to know:
- Can I afford to move back home if needed?
- Do I have friends or family who would let me stay temporarily?
- Could I support myself independently in this new location?
- What would I do if we broke up but I loved the new city?
Why this matters: Knowing you have options reduces desperation and keeps the relationship healthy. You should move by choice, not because you have no alternative.
Questions About Relationship Expectations
9. What is the expectation around engagement or marriage?
Be explicit about this. Some questions to align on:
- Is moving together a step toward engagement, or are they separate decisions?
- What's the timeline for engagement if that's the expectation?
- If marriage is important to me, does my partner share that value?
- What happens if I move and engagement doesn't happen when I expected?
Common mistake: Assuming that moving = engagement soon. Make sure you're both on the same page about timelines. Our guide on getting engaged while long distance covers these conversations in depth.
10. How will we navigate my homesickness and adjustment?
The person moving will almost certainly experience homesickness, culture shock, and adjustment struggles. Discuss:
- What support does the moving partner need during adjustment?
- Is it okay to visit home frequently at first, even if it's expensive?
- How will we handle it if the moving partner is really struggling?
- What's the plan if after six months, they're still miserable?
For the partner staying put: You'll need to be patient, supportive, and help your partner build a life in your location. Are you prepared for that responsibility?
11. What if we realize we're not compatible when living together?
Video calls don't reveal snoring, messiness, different sleep schedules, or incompatible living habits. Discuss:
- What are our deal-breakers for cohabitation?
- How will we handle discovering incompatibilities?
- Are we willing to compromise on lifestyle habits?
- What if our different living styles become a major source of conflict?
Reality check: Many couples discover they're not as compatible as they thought when living together. Have a plan for how you'll address this.
12. How will we maintain our individual identities?
Moving somewhere new where you don't know anyone can make you overly dependent on your partner.
Discuss:
- How will I build my own friend group and social life?
- Will we encourage each other to have separate activities and interests?
- Is it okay if I need alone time or space?
- How will we balance couple time with individual pursuits?
Why this matters: The healthiest relationships consist of two whole people choosing each other, not two half people needing each other to feel complete.
Questions About Location and Lifestyle
13. Do I actually like this city, or just the idea of being with my partner?
Visit the city multiple times before moving. Explore it thoroughly. Ask yourself:
- Can I see myself living here long-term?
- Does this location offer career opportunities in my field?
- Can I afford the cost of living comfortably?
- Does the climate, culture, and lifestyle appeal to me?
- Are there activities and communities I'd enjoy?
Red flag: If you hate the city but love your partner, resentment will eventually build. You need to at least be neutral-to-positive about the location itself.
14. What career opportunities exist for me there?
Be realistic about your professional prospects:
- Is there a job market for my skills and experience?
- Will I need additional certifications or licensing?
- Am I prepared to potentially start over in my career?
- Can I work remotely in my current field?
- What's my plan if finding work takes longer than expected?
Important: Your career and financial independence matter. Don't sacrifice them entirely for the relationship—you need professional fulfillment too.
15. How far will I be from my family and support system?
Distance from family affects people differently, but consider:
- How close am I to my family currently?
- Do I have elderly parents or family members who might need me?
- Can I afford frequent trips home?
- How will I handle missing major family events?
- Am I prepared to build an entirely new support system?
Remember: Your partner can't be your only source of support. You'll need friendships and community in your new location.
Questions About Timing
16. Is this the right time in my life to make this move?
Consider where you are personally and professionally:
- Am I in the middle of an important career phase?
- Do I have education or training to complete?
- Are there family obligations I need to fulfill?
- Have I accomplished what I wanted to in my current location?
- Am I mentally and emotionally prepared for this change?
There's no perfect time, but there are definitely wrong times. Moving when you're already stressed or unstable can compound problems.
17. How long have we been together, and does that feel sufficient?
There's no magic number, but consider:
- Have we been together through different seasons of life?
- Have we seen each other handle stress, change, and difficulty?
- Do I feel confident in knowing who this person really is?
- Have we discussed our future timeline thoroughly?
General guidance: Most relationship experts suggest at least one year together (including substantial in-person time) before making major life changes like relocation.
Questions About Communication and Values
18. Have we discussed our long-term life goals and values?
Before moving, make sure you're aligned on:
- Whether you want children (and how many, and when)
- Career ambitions and priorities
- Religious or spiritual values
- Political beliefs and worldviews
- How you want to spend money and save for the future
- Where you ultimately want to settle long-term
- How you want to spend your leisure time
Why this matters: You can love someone deeply and still be incompatible for a shared life if your values and goals don't align.
19. How do we handle disagreements and communicate under stress?
Moving is stressful. The adjustment period is stressful. You need to know:
- Do we communicate respectfully even when upset?
- Can we discuss difficult topics without shutting down?
- Do we listen to each other's concerns?
- Can we compromise and find solutions together?
- Do we resort to stonewalling, yelling, or manipulation?
Review our guide on navigating arguments to ensure you have healthy conflict patterns.
The Final Question
20. If I knew this relationship would end in five years, would I still move?
This is the gut-check question. It forces you to consider:
- Am I moving for the relationship, or to build a life I actually want?
- Would I be okay living in this city even if we broke up?
- Am I sacrificing too much of my own life and identity?
- Is this decision about love, or about fear of being alone?
The right answer: Ideally, you'd move because the city offers opportunities you're excited about AND you get to be with your partner. The location should work for you independently, not just as your partner's city.
Red Flags That Mean You Shouldn't Move
Don't move if:
- Your partner is pressuring you or giving ultimatums
- You have significant unresolved trust issues
- You haven't spent substantial time together in person
- You'd be completely financially dependent on your partner
- You're moving to escape problems in your current life
- Your gut is telling you something is wrong
- Friends and family you trust are expressing serious concerns
- You're hoping the move will "fix" relationship problems
- Your partner won't discuss difficult questions or gets defensive
If any of these apply, slow down. Consider reading our guide on red flags in long-distance relationships.
Green Lights That Suggest You're Ready
You're probably ready to move if:
- You've had all these conversations and feel confident in your answers
- You have financial security and a backup plan
- You're excited about the new location itself, not just being with your partner
- Your partner is supportive and committed to helping you adjust
- You have a clear closing the distance plan that feels right
- You've successfully navigated challenges together already
- You trust this person completely
- Your friends and family support your decision
- You feel like you're moving toward something, not running from something
Final Thoughts
Moving for love can be the beginning of your greatest adventure—or your biggest regret. The difference lies not in the depth of your feelings, but in the thoroughness of your preparation and the quality of communication with your partner.
If you've worked through these 20 questions honestly with your partner and yourselves, you're far more prepared than most people who make this leap.
Remember: Asking these questions isn't a lack of faith in your relationship. It's how you protect your relationship and give it the best chance of success.
The couples who make relocation work are the ones who go in with eyes wide open, plans in place, and honest communication established.
So have the hard conversations. Ask the uncomfortable questions. Make sure you're making a well-informed decision, not just a romantic one.
Your future self will thank you.
Related reading: Continue preparing for your move with our guides on closing the distance checklist and understanding your LDR timeline.