Getting engaged is one of life's most exciting milestones, but when you're in a long-distance relationship, it comes with unique challenges and considerations. Should you wait until you close the distance? Do you propose during a visit? How do you celebrate when you're miles apart?
This guide will walk you through everything from knowing when you're ready, planning the proposal, choosing a ring across distance, and navigating engaged life while still apart.
Are You Ready to Get Engaged in an LDR?
Before planning proposals or looking at rings, make sure engagement is the right next step.
Green Lights for Engagement
- You've been together at least a year (ideally longer for LDRs)
- You've spent significant in-person time together, including extended visits
- You have a concrete plan for closing the distance
- You've successfully navigated conflict and difficult times together
- You've discussed major life goals and values (kids, careers, money, where to live)
- You've both met each other's families and important friends
- The distance has an end date, whether that's before or after engagement
- You've lived together or have realistic expectations about cohabitation
- You're legally able to marry (visa status, divorce finalization, etc.)
Yellow Flags to Consider
- You've never lived in the same city or spent more than a week together
- You haven't discussed who's moving or when
- One person is pushing for engagement while the other is hesitant
- You're rushing into engagement to solve visa or immigration issues
- You're hoping engagement will make the distance easier
- You disagree on fundamental life goals
- Your relationship is great virtually but awkward in person
Important consideration: Engagement won't fix relationship problems or make the distance disappear. Make sure you're getting engaged because you're ready for marriage, not because you're desperate to end the separation.
Planning the Proposal While Long Distance
Option 1: Propose During a Visit
This is the most common approach—planning the proposal during scheduled time together.
Pros:
- Most similar to a traditional proposal
- You can celebrate together immediately
- Great photos and memories from the moment
- Can involve local friends or family if desired
Cons:
- Requires timing around visit schedules
- Might feel pressured to propose during limited time together
- Traveling with a ring can be stressful
- Your partner might suspect if you're acting nervous
Tips for proposal during visits:
- Plan the proposal early in the visit so you can celebrate together afterward
- Choose a meaningful location (where you first met, a place you both love)
- Consider hiring a photographer to capture the moment
- Have a plan for celebrating afterward (nice dinner, champagne, etc.)
- Tell a trusted friend or family member who can help arrange details
Option 2: Surprise Visit Proposal
Show up unannounced (with help from friends/family) and propose.
Pros:
- Maximum surprise factor
- Shows extraordinary effort and commitment
- Creates an incredible story
Cons:
- Expensive and logistically complex
- They might not be home or might have plans
- Some people don't like being caught off-guard
- Requires coordination with their friends/family
Option 3: Virtual Proposal
Yes, some couples do propose over video call, though it's less common.
When this works:
- You've been long distance for years and can't visit soon
- You've already discussed engagement extensively
- You have immediate plans to see each other after the proposal
- The engagement is more about the commitment than the moment
How to make it special:
- Choose a video platform with good quality
- Set up your space nicely with candles, flowers, etc.
- Have the ring ready to show on camera
- Send a care package that arrives the same day with champagne, flowers, etc.
- Coordinate with their friends to celebrate with them after
Reality check: Most people prefer an in-person proposal. If you can possibly wait for a visit, that's usually better.
Ring Shopping Across the Distance
Getting the right ring when you can't shop together requires strategy.
Finding Out Ring Size
- Borrow a ring they already wear on their ring finger and trace it
- Ask their close friend or family member to help
- Buy an adjustable temporary ring and resize after proposal
- Use a ring sizing app (less accurate but better than guessing)
- If you live together sometimes, measure while they're sleeping (risky!)
Understanding Their Style
- Look at their jewelry collection for metal preferences
- Pay attention when they comment on others' rings
- Check their Pinterest boards or saved Instagram posts
- Casually browse jewelry stores during visits
- Ask their best friend or sibling for insight
Ring Shopping Options
Option 1: Buy the ring yourself
- More traditional and surprising
- Shows you know them well
- Risk of getting something they don't love
- Choose jewelers with good return/exchange policies
Option 2: Shop together virtually before proposal
- Guarantees they love the ring
- Can be a fun shared experience
- Ruins the complete surprise
- You still control when you actually propose
Option 3: Propose with a temporary ring, shop together later
- Preserves the surprise of the proposal
- They get exactly what they want
- Gives you an excuse for a special "ring shopping date"
- Use a family heirloom, simple band, or placeholder ring for the proposal
Before You Propose: Important Conversations
Make sure you've discussed these topics before getting down on one knee:
The Basics
- Marriage timeline: When do you want to actually get married?
- Closing the distance: Who's moving, when, and where?
- Wedding expectations: Big or small? Religious or secular? Traditional or unique?
- Financial approach: Joint accounts or separate? How do you handle money?
The Deeper Topics
- Children: Do you want them? How many? When?
- Careers: Whose career takes priority? Are sacrifices needed?
- Location: Where will you ultimately settle long-term?
- Family involvement: How much say do parents have? How often do you visit?
- Religion/spirituality: How will you navigate differences?
- Lifestyle: City or suburbs? Renting or buying? Travel frequently or homebody?
Check our guide on 20 questions to ask before moving for a relationship for more essential discussions.
After the Proposal: Celebrating While Apart
You said yes! Now what? If you're still long distance after getting engaged, here's how to celebrate:
Immediate Celebration Ideas
- Have a video call champagne toast if you're not together
- Post on social media so you can celebrate with friends simultaneously
- Send each other surprise deliveries (flowers, champagne, their favorite treats)
- Have friends throw you separate but simultaneous engagement parties
- Plan a virtual party with both your friend groups
Sharing the News
- Call close family first before posting on social media
- Decide together how and when to share publicly
- Take engagement photos during your next visit
- Be prepared for lots of questions about wedding plans and closing the distance
Being Engaged While Still Long Distance
Engagement doesn't automatically close the distance. Here's how to navigate this phase:
Set Clear Expectations
- How long will you be engaged before the wedding?
- Will you close the distance before or after the wedding?
- What needs to happen between engagement and wedding?
- How will you plan a wedding while long distance?
Make Progress Visible
- Create a wedding planning timeline
- Set specific dates (move date, wedding date, etc.)
- Celebrate small milestones (booking venue, sending save-the-dates)
- Take concrete steps toward closing the distance
Maintain Your Relationship
Don't let wedding planning consume your relationship.
- Still have regular dates that aren't about wedding planning
- Don't let every conversation be about logistics
- Remember why you're getting married—because you love each other
- Continue building your trust and connection
Legal and Practical Considerations
For International Couples
- Fiancé visas: Research K-1 visas (US) or equivalent in your country
- Timeline: Visa processing can take 6-18 months
- Requirements: Proof of relationship, meeting in person, financial support
- Marriage timeline: Some visas require marriage within 90 days of entry
- Legal help: Consider hiring an immigration lawyer
For Domestic Couples
- Health insurance: Can you get on partner's plan? When?
- Name changes: Start thinking about the process if applicable
- Financial planning: Begin combining finances or creating joint accounts
- Relocation logistics: Job searching, apartment hunting, moving costs
Common Challenges of Long-Distance Engagement
Challenge 1: Pressure from Others
You'll hear: "When's the wedding?" "When will you finally be together?" "How much longer will you do long distance?"
How to handle it: Have a stock answer prepared. "We're working on our timeline and we'll share details when we're ready."
Challenge 2: Wedding Planning is Harder
Every decision—venue tours, cake tastings, dress shopping—becomes complicated by distance.
Solutions:
- Designate one person as the "point person" in the wedding location
- Use video calls for appointments when possible
- Hire a wedding planner if financially feasible
- Simplify your wedding to reduce logistics
Challenge 3: The Engagement "Glow" Fades to Missing Them
After the initial excitement, you're still long distance and missing your fiancé.
Remember:
- Engagement is a promise that the distance will end
- Focus on the concrete steps you're taking to be together
- Use your future planning timeline to stay motivated
- Find joy in the planning process, not just the end goal
Challenge 4: Feeling Like You're Missing Out
You see other engaged couples doing everything together while you're planning via FaceTime.
Perspective shift:
- Your relationship is unique, not lesser
- Distance has made your connection stronger in many ways
- You'll appreciate being together even more when you finally are
- The wedding and marriage are what matter, not the engagement period
When to Close the Distance: Before or After the Wedding?
There's no one right answer, but here are considerations:
Close the Distance Before the Wedding
Pros:
- Test living together before marriage
- Easier wedding planning when you're in the same place
- Less stressful transition (not dealing with wedding AND move simultaneously)
- Can settle into your new location before adding marriage stress
Cons:
- More complicated if you're international (no spousal visa yet)
- Might require longer engagement
- Moving costs plus wedding costs
Get Married First, Then Close Distance
Pros:
- Easier for international couples (spousal visa vs fiancé visa)
- Wedding happens sooner
- Legal benefits kick in immediately
Cons:
- Wedding planning while long distance is hard
- Starting married life still apart feels anticlimactic
- More transitions happening simultaneously
- Haven't lived together before marriage
Making the Most of Your Engagement
Despite the challenges, your long-distance engagement can be special and meaningful.
Ideas for celebrating your engagement despite distance:
- Create a shared Pinterest board for wedding ideas
- Have a countdown to your wedding date
- Send each other "engagement gifts" periodically
- Celebrate monthly "fiancéversaries"
- Take engagement photos in both your cities
- Start wedding traditions early (cooking together over video, etc.)
- Write letters to read on your wedding day
Check out our relationship milestones guide for more celebration ideas.
Final Thoughts
Getting engaged while long distance is both thrilling and challenging. You're making a permanent commitment to someone you can't be with every day, which takes immense trust, communication, and dedication.
But if you've made it this far in your long-distance journey, you've already proven you can handle challenges together. Engagement is your promise that the distance is temporary but your love is permanent.
So celebrate this milestone fully, even if you're celebrating separately. Plan thoughtfully. Communicate openly. And remember that every day brings you closer to the moment when "long distance" becomes just a chapter in your story, not your whole story.
Congratulations on your engagement—you've earned it.
Related reading: Continue planning with guides on planning a wedding while long distance, closing the distance, and your LDR timeline.