Planning a Wedding While Long Distance

Last Updated: October 2024 | 12 min read

Planning a wedding is complicated enough when you live in the same city. Add long distance to the equation, and suddenly every decision—from tasting cake to touring venues—becomes a logistical puzzle requiring video calls, proxy visits, and a whole lot of trust.

But thousands of long-distance couples successfully plan beautiful weddings every year. With the right strategy, clear communication, and some creative problem-solving, you can too.

This guide covers everything from choosing a location to managing vendor appointments across the miles.

First Decision: Where to Have the Wedding

This is often your first major challenge—and potentially your first major compromise.

Option 1: Partner A's City

Choose this if:

  • Most guests are located near Partner A
  • Partner A's family is paying for a significant portion
  • Partner A has strong ties to the location
  • Partner B is planning to move to Partner A's city anyway

Challenge: Partner B can't easily attend planning meetings, venue tours, or tastings

Option 2: Partner B's City

Same considerations as Option 1, just reversed.

Option 3: Hometown/Neutral Location

Choose this if:

  • Both of you have moved away from where you grew up
  • Most family is in a third location
  • You want a destination wedding
  • Neither current city feels like "home"

Challenge: BOTH of you are planning remotely, which doubles the complexity

Option 4: Destination Wedding

Choose this if:

  • You want a small, intimate wedding
  • Guests are spread out geographically anyway
  • You want the wedding to double as a honeymoon
  • You love the idea of a unique location

Benefit for LDR couples: You're both planning remotely anyway, so a destination wedding doesn't add much extra complexity

Divide and Conquer: Assigning Responsibilities

Clear delegation is essential when planning from different locations.

The "Point Person" Approach

Assign one partner as the primary planner in the wedding location.

Point person handles:

  • Touring venues in person
  • Meeting with vendors
  • Doing tastings and fittings
  • Being the primary contact for local vendors
  • Handling day-of coordination

Remote partner handles:

  • Research and shortlisting options
  • Managing budget and spreadsheets
  • Designing invitations and programs
  • Creating registries and wedding website
  • Handling tasks that can be done remotely

Both partners: Make all final decisions together via video call

The "Shared Responsibility" Approach

Both partners tackle everything together, even from afar.

How this works:

  • Schedule all vendor meetings as video calls when possible
  • Both attend venue tours virtually
  • Have tastings shipped or recreated in both locations
  • Make every decision jointly, even if it's slower

Best for: Couples who want equal involvement and don't mind the extra coordination

The "Wedding Planner" Approach

Hire a professional to handle logistics.

This solves:

  • The problem of neither partner being local
  • Reduces stress and coordination needs
  • Provides expert guidance and local knowledge
  • Someone physically present to handle details

Cost consideration: Wedding planners typically cost $1,500-$10,000+ but can save money through vendor relationships and preventing costly mistakes

Virtual Vendor Meetings: Making Them Work

Many wedding vendors now offer virtual consultations, especially post-2020.

Vendors That Work Well Virtually

  • Photographers: Can show portfolio, discuss style and packages
  • DJs/Bands: Can send samples, discuss playlist preferences
  • Florists: Can show mockups, discuss arrangements via photos
  • Officiants: The entire relationship can be virtual until wedding day
  • Stationer: Can email designs and samples

Vendors That Require In-Person (or Proxy)

  • Venues: Someone needs to tour in person
  • Caterers: Tastings are important for food quality
  • Bakers: Cake tastings should happen in person if possible
  • Dress/Suit Fittings: Especially final alterations

Tips for Virtual Vendor Meetings

  • Test your tech beforehand
  • Be in a quiet location with good lighting
  • Have a list of questions prepared
  • Ask vendors to email materials in advance so you can review together
  • Record the meeting if vendor permits (for reviewing details later)
  • Follow up with written confirmation of anything agreed upon

The Proxy Solution: Enlisting Local Help

When one partner can't be there in person, designated proxies are invaluable.

Who Can Be Your Proxy

  • Parents or family members in the wedding city
  • Close friends who live locally
  • Wedding party members
  • Your wedding planner

What Proxies Can Do

  • Tour venues and video call you from the space
  • Attend cake tastings and save you samples
  • Meet with florists to see samples in person
  • Do dress/suit fittings on your behalf (if similar size)
  • Handle day-of emergency errands

How to Use Proxies Effectively

  • Brief them thoroughly on your vision and preferences
  • Provide a detailed list of what to look for/ask about
  • Have them FaceTime you during appointments when possible
  • Give them authority to make small decisions
  • Thank them generously—they're doing you a huge favor

Venue Selection From Afar

This is one of your biggest and earliest decisions.

Research Phase (Both Partners Can Do Remotely)

  • Browse venue websites and virtual tours
  • Read reviews on WeddingWire, The Knot, Google
  • Look at real wedding photos from the venue
  • Check capacity, pricing, and availability
  • Create a shortlist of 3-5 venues to visit

Virtual Tours

  • Request a live video tour from venue coordinator
  • Have your proxy do a video walkthrough
  • Ask specific questions: acoustics, lighting, backup plans for weather
  • Request photos of actual weddings (not just professional shots)

In-Person Tours

If possible: Try to coordinate at least one visit where both partners can tour top venue choices together

If impossible:

  • Local partner tours with remote partner on FaceTime
  • Proxy tours while you participate virtually
  • Make the decision trusting the local partner's judgment

Managing the Wedding Budget Remotely

Financial transparency and organization are crucial when planning from different locations.

Budget Management Tools

  • Shared spreadsheet: Google Sheets for real-time budget tracking
  • Wedding planning apps: Zola, WeddingWire, The Knot have budget features
  • Shared account: Consider opening a joint wedding savings account
  • Payment tracking: Document who pays what and when

Financial Discussions to Have

  • Total budget and who's contributing what
  • Whether family contributions come with expectations
  • Who handles vendor deposits and payments
  • How you'll handle budget overages
  • Priorities for where to spend vs. save

Dress and Suit Shopping While Long Distance

For the Dress

If you can shop together:

  • Schedule appointments during a visit
  • Budget extra time since you won't have multiple weekends
  • Take lots of photos to reference later
  • Order from a shop with locations in both cities for alterations

If you can't shop together:

  • Bring a trusted friend/family member who knows your style
  • FaceTime your partner from the dressing room
  • Consider online options (Azazie, BHLDN) with home try-on
  • Order with plenty of time for shipping and alterations

For the Suit/Tux

  • Many men's formalwear companies have multiple locations for fittings
  • Online options like Indochino offer custom suits with remote measurements
  • Local tailors can handle alterations wherever you are

Tastings and Food Decisions

Caterer Tastings

Ideal scenario: Schedule tastings during a visit when you're both together

If that's impossible:

  • Local partner attends, takes detailed notes and photos
  • Have caterer pack samples to-go for remote partner to try later (if local enough to ship)
  • Some caterers can arrange separate tastings in each city
  • Trust your local partner's judgment if you have similar tastes

Cake Tasting

  • Easier to coordinate during a visit than caterer tasting
  • Many bakeries can ship small samples overnight
  • Look at photos of past cakes to ensure style matches
  • Have your proxy attend and save you samples

Managing Invitations and RSVPs Remotely

Invitation Options

  • Online services: Minted, Paperless Post, Zola (design and order from anywhere)
  • Return address: Use whoever's address is more permanent or central
  • RSVP management: Use wedding website for digital RSVPs to avoid mail juggling

Guest List Coordination

  • Create shared spreadsheet with both families' guests
  • Track RSVPs, meal preferences, plus-ones in one place
  • Assign each family to manage their own RSVP follow-ups

Communication Strategies for Long-Distance Planning

Regular Planning Sessions

  • Schedule weekly video calls dedicated to wedding planning
  • Keep planning separate from regular relationship check-ins
  • Have an agenda so calls are productive, not overwhelming
  • Celebrate small wins together (booked venue! sent invites!)

Avoid Common Communication Pitfalls

  • Don't: Make major decisions without consulting your partner
  • Don't: Let all your conversations become about the wedding
  • Don't: Assume your partner doesn't care if they're less involved (they might just be overwhelmed)
  • Don't: Let family members make decisions that should be yours

Keep Communication Clear

  • Summarize decisions in writing after calls
  • Create a shared planning folder with all contracts and confirmations
  • Use a shared to-do list app (Trello, Asana, or wedding app)
  • Confirm verbal agreements with vendors in email

The Week Before: Final Preparations

Ideally, both partners should be in the wedding location at least 2-3 days before the wedding.

Tasks for Those Final Days

  • Final meetings with vendors
  • Rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
  • Final dress/suit fittings
  • Welcome guests arriving early
  • Set up any DIY elements
  • Marriage license (if needed in person)

If One Partner Can't Arrive Early

  • Delegate tasks to wedding party and family
  • Hire a day-of coordinator to handle final details
  • Have a very detailed timeline for the early-arriving partner
  • Accept that some things might not be perfect—and that's okay

Special Considerations for International LDRs

Legal Requirements

  • Research marriage requirements for both countries
  • Understand which country's marriage license you need
  • Check if your marriage will be legally recognized in both places
  • Consider legal ceremony in one country, celebration in another

Guest Travel

  • Give extra notice for international guests (save-the-dates 8-12 months out)
  • Provide travel tips and accommodation blocks
  • Consider visa requirements for guests
  • Be understanding that some loved ones won't be able to make it

Keeping Your Relationship Strong During Planning

Wedding planning stress is real, and distance amplifies it.

Protect Your Relationship

  • Have regular non-wedding dates and conversations
  • Remember you're planning a wedding because you love each other
  • Don't let family stress pull you apart
  • Support each other when planning feels overwhelming
  • Keep your regular communication patterns healthy

When You Disagree

  • Pick your battles—not everything is worth fighting over
  • Listen to what's behind the disagreement (values, family pressure, stress)
  • Find compromises that honor both partners
  • Remember: it's one day, but your marriage is forever

Simplification Strategies

If long-distance planning feels overwhelming, consider simplifying.

Options for a Simpler Wedding

  • Intimate wedding: 20-30 guests reduces logistics dramatically
  • All-inclusive venue: Resorts that handle everything
  • Elopement + reception: Legally marry small, celebrate big later
  • Courthouse + party: Legal ceremony in one city, casual celebration in another
  • Two celebrations: Small gathering in each partner's city instead of one big wedding

Final Thoughts

Planning a wedding while long distance isn't easy, but it's absolutely doable. Thousands of couples pull it off every year, creating beautiful celebrations despite the miles between them during planning.

The keys to success are:

  • Clear communication and division of responsibilities
  • Leveraging technology for virtual participation
  • Enlisting help from local proxies
  • Being flexible and willing to compromise
  • Keeping perspective on what really matters

Yes, you'll miss out on some traditional wedding planning experiences. But you're also gaining something valuable: proof that you and your partner can navigate complex challenges together, communicate across distance, and make joint decisions even when it's hard.

Those skills will serve your marriage far better than perfectly matching napkins ever could.

So take a deep breath, make a plan, and get ready to celebrate your love—even if the planning happens across time zones.

Related reading: Prepare for your future with guides on getting engaged while long distance, closing the distance, and relocation planning.