On this page
How it works
Rate 25 statements as Solid, Mixed or Shaky across five areas: communication, trust, investment, independence and the future. Then press See my results for a score per area and advice matched to your weakest spots.
- Takes about five minutes. Answer for how things are now, not how you hope they'll be.
- Private: everything stays in your browser and disappears when you leave. Nothing is stored or sent.
- It's a reflection tool, not a validated psychological test or a prediction.
This isn't a personality quiz. It's a structured version of the questions that tend to separate long-distance relationships that work from ones that quietly come apart, drawn from the research on long-distance couples.
Take it alone, or better, take it separately from your partner and compare afterward. Some answers won't be pretty. That's the point: a weak spot you can name is one you can work on. If you're brand new to long distance, our start-here guide is a gentler first stop.
How to answer
- Solid: this is clearly true for us right now.
- Mixed: sometimes true, recently slipping, or I'm not sure.
- Shaky: this isn't true for us, or it's a sore point.
Go with your first honest reaction. If you find yourself building a case for “Solid,” that's usually a “Mixed.”
The 25 questions
How to read your results
If you're reading without the interactive results, you can score yourself in a minute: count 2 points for each Solid, 1 for each Mixed and 0 for each Shaky. Each area has five questions, so each area scores out of 10.
| Area score | What it suggests |
|---|---|
| 8–10 | A real strength. Keep doing what you're doing, and don't let it slide during busy stretches. |
| 5–7 | Workable but worth attention. Pick one question you marked Mixed or Shaky and talk about it this week. |
| 0–4 | A priority. This area is likely causing strain whether or not you've named it yet. |
Your weakest area matters more than your total. A relationship can score well overall and still be quietly undermined by one area at 3 out of 10. And most couples have a few weak spots; three to five Mixed or Shaky answers is normal, not a warning sign.
What to do about each area
Communication
Low scores here usually come from a mismatch in how much contact each of you wants, or from letting conflicts live in text. Agree on a rhythm out loud, and make a rule that tense conversations move to a call. Start with how often to talk, 10 rules that actually help and arguing when you're miles apart. If your calls have become all logistics, try deeper conversation prompts.
Trust
Shaky trust answers often reflect your own anxiety as much as your partner's behavior, and sometimes both. The fix is rarely more monitoring; it's naming specific worries and agreeing on what transparency looks like for you both. Read how to build trust, managing LDR anxiety and dealing with jealousy. If something real has broken trust, see rebuilding trust after betrayal.
Investment
This area is about whether both of you are carrying the relationship. A big imbalance in who initiates, plans and talks about the future is one of the more common reasons long-distance relationships wear out. Raise it as a pattern, not an accusation: “I've noticed I'm usually the one who plans visits; can we share that?” See talking about the future without pressure and emotional exhaustion.
Independence
Low independence scores mean the relationship is holding up too much of your life. That makes every missed call feel bigger and puts pressure on your partner. Invest in friends, routines and sleep, not as a distraction but as part of keeping the relationship healthy. Read self-care in an LDR, coping with loneliness and codependency vs. closeness.
The future
A shaky future score is the one to take most seriously, because a plan to end the distance is what gives the hard months a direction. You don't need a fixed date, but you need a shared direction. Start with making a closing-the-distance plan, coping with no timeline and 20 questions to ask before moving.
If most of your answers were shaky
That doesn't mean it's over. It does mean the relationship is probably under more strain than either of you has said out loud, and the next conversation matters. Have it on a call, start with one area rather than all five, and listen before you defend.
If the same problems keep coming back, a few sessions with a couples therapist who works by video can do more than another year of trying alone. See online therapy options for long-distance couples.
And if you went through these questions and quietly realized part of you has already left, that's worth taking seriously too. Our guide on when to end a long-distance relationship and the list of LDR red flags can help you think it through.
Taking the check as a couple
- Answer separately. No peeking, no discussing as you go.
- Share area scores first. Five numbers each is an easy starting point.
- Look for gaps, not grades. The most useful finding is where you disagree: one of you rated something Solid and the other Shaky.
- Pick one thing. Agree on one small change for the next month, and check in on it.
- Retake it in a few months. Especially before a big decision like closing the distance.
Thinking about moving in together? The harder companion to this check is our list of questions to ask before moving for a relationship, and the LDR timeline shows what most couples face at each stage. For what research actually says about long-distance outcomes, see our LDR statistics.
Frequently asked questions
Is there a quiz that tells you if your long-distance relationship will last?
No quiz can predict that, including this one. What a good self-check can do is show you which parts of the relationship are carrying weight and which are quietly struggling, so you know what to talk about. Research points to things like shared commitment, honest communication and a plan to end the distance; those are what these questions cover.
How do you know if you’re ready for a long-distance relationship?
You’re in good shape if you can agree on a contact rhythm, trust without monitoring, keep a full life of your own, afford realistic visits, and imagine a way the distance could eventually end. If several of those feel shaky, it doesn’t mean don’t try, but talk about them before you start. Our start-here guide covers the basics.
Should my partner and I take the readiness check together?
Ideally, take it separately first, then compare. Agreement tells you something; disagreement tells you more. If you rated communication solid and your partner rated it shaky, that gap is the conversation to have. Do it on a call rather than over text, and listen before defending.
What if my results are mostly shaky?
Take it as information, not a verdict. Pick the one area that worries you most and raise it with your partner this week. If the same problems keep repeating, a few sessions with a couples therapist who works by video can help. If you’ve felt for a long time that part of you has already left, read our guide on when to end an LDR.