How to Stay Connected With Long-Distance Grandchildren

On this page

1. Start with the parents
2. Set up a call rhythm that fits their age
3. Video call activities to do with grandchildren
4. Phone activities with grandchildren (no video needed)
5. Mail and packages kids love
6. Ways to be present between calls
7. Stay involved in their everyday world
8. Make the most of in-person visits
9. Staying close with teenage grandchildren
10. Special situations
11. The emotional side of long-distance grandparenting
12. FAQ

Being a long-distance grandparent hurts in a particular way. You hear about first steps after they happen. You watch the school play on a shaky phone video. You see photos of other grandparents at the soccer game and feel the miles.

But closeness with a grandchild isn't measured in miles. It's built from consistency, attention and shared rituals, and all three travel well. Plenty of kids are deeply attached to a grandparent they see a few times a year, because that grandparent shows up reliably in all the other ways. Here's how to be that person.

Start with the parents

Before any app or activity, talk to your adult child (and their partner). They control the schedule, the devices and the energy levels in the house. If connecting with you is easy for them, it'll happen. If it's a hassle, it won't, however much everyone means well.

• Ask what works. "What's a time each week that's usually calm?" Sunday morning breakfast and after-bath bedtime are classics.
• Offer to keep it short. Ten to fifteen minutes with a toddler is plenty.
• Be on time and flexible. Ready when they call, gracious when they need to reschedule.
• Respect their rules. Bedtimes, sugar, screens, toys, religion: their house, their call.
• Ask before big gifts. Especially loud, messy or screen-based ones.
• Offer help, not advice. "Want me to keep the kids busy on video while you cook?" is gold. Unrequested parenting tips are not.

I'd love to see the kids regularly but I know your week is packed. Would a 15-minute call on Sunday mornings work? If it's chaos, we skip, no hard feelings.

Set up a call rhythm that fits their age

The American Academy of Pediatrics treats live video chat with family as an exception to its screen-time cautions for young children, because it's two-way and social. So don't worry that calls "count" against screen time.

Video call activities to do with grandchildren

The biggest shift that helps: stop treating calls as conversations and start treating them as doing something together. Here are ideas by age.

For babies and toddlers

1. The same song, every call. "Twinkle, Twinkle" or a family song. They'll start to light up when it begins.
2. Peekaboo. Works brilliantly on a screen.
3. Animal sounds. Hold up a toy animal; they make the sound.
4. Matching toys. Send a stuffed animal identical to one you keep, so both "visit" on calls.
5. Bubbles. Blow bubbles on your end. Unreasonably effective.
6. Board book reading. Mail the same book you're reading from, so they can turn the pages too.

For preschoolers

7. Show-and-tell. They show you a toy; you show them something from your house or garden.
8. Scavenger hunt. "Find something red! Something soft! Something smaller than your hand!"
9. Puppet shows. A sock puppet on your end does the talking for you.
10. Dance party. Their song, both of you dancing.
11. Simon says / freeze dance. Classic games that need no equipment.
12. Draw together. Both draw the same thing, then hold them up.
13. Snack time together. Eat the same snack on the call.

For school-age kids

14. Read a chapter book together. One chapter a week; you each have a copy.
15. Board games over video. Battleship, Guess Who and checkers work well with matching sets at both ends.
16. Online games. Simple multiplayer games, word games or chess apps you can play between calls too.
17. Cook or bake the same recipe. Send the recipe and a special ingredient ahead.
18. Teach a skill. Knitting, card tricks, whittling, a family recipe, a few words of a heritage language.
19. Homework help. Taking on spelling or times tables also gives the parents a break.
20. Science experiments. Simple kitchen experiments done side by side.
21. Watch the same movie and talk about it after.
22. Garden tours. Show them your tomatoes; they show you their bean in a cup.

For whole-family calls with siblings and cousins, see virtual family gatherings.

Phone activities with grandchildren (no video needed)

Voice-only calls can be lovely, especially for kids who get distracted by their own face on screen, or for car rides.

23. Twenty questions or "I'm thinking of an animal…"
24. Riddles and jokes. Have a new one ready every call. Ask them to bring one too.
25. Story chain. You start a story, they add a sentence, back and forth.
26. "Would you rather." Endless and always funny.
27. Stories from when their parent was little. Kids love these more than almost anything.
28. Rhyming games. "How many words rhyme with cat?"
29. Spelling bee or mental-math quiz for school-age kids who like a challenge.
30. Bedtime story by phone as the last thing before lights out.

Mail and packages kids love

Physical mail with their name on it is a big deal to a child, and it lasts longer than a call. Kids keep letters for years.

• Postcards from your ordinary life: the park, your street, your local diner.
• A monthly "mystery envelope": stickers, a temporary tattoo, a riddle, a pressed leaf.
• Letters with a question at the end so they write back. Include a stamped, addressed envelope to make it easy.
• Printed photos of the two of you, for their room.
• A shared journal that travels back and forth by mail, each adding a page.
• Craft kits you'll do together on the next call.
• Books with a recorded message, or a recordable storybook with your voice reading it.
• Holiday and birthday cards that arrive on time. Mail early when it's international.

Our guide to care package essentials has more packing ideas that work for grandkids too.

Ways to be present between calls

• Recorded stories: video yourself reading their favorite books so they can watch any night.
• Voice messages: a quick "Good morning from Grandpa!" sent to a parent's phone.
• Video message apps such as Marco Polo let you trade short videos when your schedules don't line up.
• A photo of you in their space: ask the parents to put a picture of you by their bed or on the fridge.
• Shared photo albums: the parents add photos, you comment and react.
• Be available for spontaneous moments: "Grandma, I lost my tooth!" calls matter as much as scheduled ones.

Stay involved in their everyday world

Knowing the details is what turns a nice grandparent into their grandparent. Keep a little notebook if it helps: their teacher's name, best friend, favorite character, the sport they're trying, what they're worried about.

Then ask specific questions. "How did the science project with the volcano turn out?" lands far better than "How's school?" Ask the parents for a quick heads-up before calls ("Lily has a spelling test Friday") so you can ask about it.

For events you can't attend, ask if someone can video call or record the school play, recital or game. Being seen to care about what matters to them is the point. Our guide to missing family events has more ways to take part from afar.

Make the most of in-person visits

Create traditions

• A special breakfast you always make together
• A particular park, museum or ice cream place that's "your" spot
• A photo in the same place every visit, to see them grow
• A collection you add to together (shells, coins, pins)

Expect a warm-up period

Young children can be shy at the start of a visit, even with someone they video call weekly. Don't take it personally. Let them come to you, and start with something familiar from your calls (the song, the puppet).

Ease the goodbye

Leave a small surprise behind, like a note under their pillow or a little gift to open the next day. Send a video message saying how much you loved the visit. A photo book of the trip gives them something to look at until next time.

Visit as often as you realistically can, and keep the next one on the calendar where everyone can see it. Our guide to finding cheap flights works for grandparents too.

Staying close with teenage grandchildren

Teens often pull back from scheduled family calls. That's developmentally normal, not a rejection. Shift your approach:

• Text instead of calling. Learn their preferred app.
• Follow their interests. Ask them to send you their favorite song, show, or game, and actually engage with it.
• Share without expecting replies. An article, a funny photo, "saw this and thought of you."
• Offer one-on-one time. A solo call or visit without siblings or parents can open things up.
• Listen without judging. Teens confide in grandparents who don't lecture or report every detail to their parents (within reason and safety).

Special situations

When the parents are separated or divorced

Stay on good terms with both parents if you possibly can, don't take sides in front of the children, and be flexible about which household the calls happen from.

When you're in a different country

Time zones make your morning their evening, which can be a lovely bedtime-story slot. Use the distance as a gift: teach them about where you live, share your language, send things they can't get at home. If you speak a heritage language, a few minutes of it every call is a gift they'll value later.

When you have several grandchildren

Group calls are chaos, which is fine, but each child needs some time where they're the only one. Even ten minutes of one-on-one makes a child feel individually known.

When technology is a struggle

Keep it simple: one device, one app, set up by someone you trust. A tablet propped on a stand is easier than a phone for long calls. Ask the parents (or an older grandchild) to set it up during a visit and leave written steps by the device.

Use whatever the parents already use. Features change, so check what works for your family rather than switching apps for one feature.

The emotional side of long-distance grandparenting

It's okay to grieve this. Many long-distance grandparents feel sadness, guilt or envy of grandparents who live close by. Those feelings are understandable, and they don't mean you're doing it wrong.

• Focus on what you can control: your consistency, your creativity, your warmth on every call.
• Build a full life where you are. Friends, volunteering, mentoring young people locally. It makes you a happier, more interesting grandparent to talk to.
• Talk to others in the same boat. Many grandparents have family spread across the country or the world.

For the wider family picture, see staying connected with family across the country, and if your adult child is parenting from a distance too, long-distance parenting.

Children who grow up knowing a grandparent always calls on Sunday, always remembers the stuffed rabbit's name, and always sends the best mail don't feel far from that grandparent at all.

Frequently asked questions

How often should long-distance grandparents video call?

Consistency matters more than frequency. A short weekly call at the same time is easier for parents to keep up and gives young children a routine they can anticipate. Add quick, unscheduled moments (a voice message, a photo, a two-minute call to see a lost tooth) when they fit. Ask the parents what rhythm works for their week.

Is video chatting okay for babies and toddlers?

Yes. The American Academy of Pediatrics treats live video chatting with family as an exception to its screen-time cautions for babies and toddlers, because it's interactive. Keep calls short, sing the same songs, and let the parent hold the phone close. Babies won't 'chat,' but they do learn faces and voices over time.

What do I talk about with a grandchild who won't talk on the phone?

Stop asking questions and start doing things: show them something, play a game, read a story, or give them a job ("Show me the tallest thing in your room"). Specific questions work better than general ones: "What did you build in Lego this week?" beats "How was school?"

Should I ask before sending gifts to my grandchildren?

It's a kind habit, especially for big, noisy, messy or screen-related gifts, and for anything that touches on parenting choices (sugar, toy weapons, phones). Small mail like postcards, stickers and letters rarely needs permission. Asking also gives parents a chance to steer you toward something the child actually needs or wants.

How do I stay close if my relationship with my adult child is strained?

Keep things as easy and low-pressure for the parent as you can: be reliable about call times, respect their rules even when you'd do it differently, and don't criticize them to the grandchildren. If contact has been cut off, a family therapist or mediator can sometimes help. Laws on grandparent visitation vary widely and courts tend to favor parents' decisions, so seek local legal advice before going that route.