Online Safety in a Long-Distance Relationship: Catfishing, Romance Scams and Sextortion

On this page

1. How common are romance scams?
2. Catfishing, scams and sextortion: three different risks
3. Warning signs your online partner may not be who they say
4. How to verify an online partner without making them feel investigated
5. The money rule: never send money to someone you haven't met
6. If you've already sent money
7. If someone is threatening to share your intimate images (sextortion)
8. When a real partner becomes the risk
9. Safer intimacy in an online relationship
10. Staying open without becoming paranoid
11. FAQ

If your relationship started online, you've probably run through the worst-case scenarios at 2 a.m. Most of them won't happen. But a few risks do show up again and again, and they follow patterns that are easy to recognize once you've seen them laid out.

This guide covers the three main ones (catfishing, romance and investment scams, and sextortion), the early signals, how to verify someone without wrecking a real relationship, and what to do if something has already gone wrong.

How common are romance scams?

And reported losses are only what people report; many victims never do, out of embarrassment. The FTC has also noted that a large share of romance scam reports begin on social media rather than dating apps, often with an unexpected friendly message. Scammers work at scale, and they're skilled. Getting targeted says nothing about your intelligence.

Catfishing, scams and sextortion: three different risks

They overlap. A catfish can turn into a scammer; a scam can end in sextortion. But the responses differ, so it helps to know which you might be dealing with.

Warning signs your online partner may not be who they say

Real relationships have boring details. Fake ones have dramatic ones. Any single sign below can have an innocent explanation. Three or four together is a pattern.

• They can't video call, ever. Broken camera, bad Wi-Fi, a strict workplace, shyness, week after week. Audio-only calls don't count; voices are easy to disguise.
• Intensity way ahead of time. "Soulmate" in week one, marriage talk in month one, and treating your caution as coldness. This "love bombing" works because it targets people who are lonely or hopeful.
• Photos that look like a portfolio. All flattering, all professional, nothing blurry or ordinary, nothing with friends who tag them.
• A job that explains every absence. Offshore rig worker, deployed soldier in a remote post, UN doctor, overseas contractor, international businessperson who's always traveling. Real jobs, but massively overrepresented in scam profiles because they excuse no calls, no visits and unusual money needs.
• Nobody else exists. No friends you can talk to, family always unavailable, social media that's new, sparse or follows mostly strangers.
• Visits that always collapse. Tickets "booked," then an emergency. Visa "denied" for unclear reasons.
• Pressure to move off the app quickly to WhatsApp, Telegram or another private channel.
• Inconsistencies. Accent doesn't fit the stated background, details about school or hometown shift, time zone doesn't match where they say they are.
• Talk of money, investing or crypto. Especially "I made a lot on this platform, let me show you how."

For relationship red flags beyond scams, see 15 LDR red flags; for the reassuring side, signs of a trustworthy partner.

How to verify an online partner without making them feel investigated

You can't fully verify anyone you haven't met. You can ask for the things real relationships naturally involve and fake ones structurally can't supply.

1. Reverse image search their photos. Upload a few to Google Lens, TinEye or Bing Visual Search. If they show up under another name, on a model's page, or in a "scammer photos" forum, you have your answer. You don't need to tell them you did it.
2. Ask for unscheduled video calls. Not one polished call, but several casual ones over weeks: at home, in the kitchen, out on a walk. Real partners say "sure, give me five minutes."
3. Watch for deepfake glitches. Face-swap tools exist and are getting better. Natural requests help: wave a hand across your face, turn to the side, show me the view from your window, hold up today's coffee. Glitchy edges, a face that "slides" or a refusal to move are worth noting.
4. Look at their social footprint. Most adults have accounts with years of posts, tagged photos from friends, comments from relatives. An account that appeared a few months before they met you deserves a question.
5. Notice consistency over time. Small details (a pet's name, a sibling's job, last weekend's plans) that stay consistent over months are good evidence. So is meeting a friend on video.
6. Meet in person, safely. The real confirmation. Use our first meeting safety checklist: public places, your own accommodation, a friend who knows your plans.

I'd love to see you properly. Can we do a quick video call tonight, even just five minutes? I'm sick of only hearing your voice.

That's a normal request. If it reliably triggers anger, guilt-tripping or a new excuse, that reaction is information.

The money rule: never send money to someone you haven't met

Decide this now, before anyone asks, and keep a sentence ready:

I don't send money to anyone I haven't met in person. It's not about you, it's a rule I keep.

The emergency will be convincing. That's the point: it's designed to overwhelm ordinary judgment with urgency and sympathy. Having the rule decided in advance is the only reliable defense.

Common scripts

• "I need money for a plane ticket so I can finally come see you."
• "My package/inheritance is held at customs and I need to pay a fee to release it."
• "I'm in the hospital abroad and my cards are frozen."
• "My business payment is delayed, I just need a short loan."
• "Let me teach you to invest. Just start small on this platform." (Often called "pig butchering": a fake trading app shows big gains, then demands fees or taxes before you can withdraw.)
• "Can you receive a transfer for me and send it on?" (This can make you a money mule, which can carry legal consequences.)

Methods to refuse outright

• Gift cards of any kind.
• Cryptocurrency or crypto ATMs.
• Wire transfers, money transfer services or bank transfers to someone you've never met.
• Sharing bank logins, card numbers or one-time codes.

A real partner in real trouble has other options: family, employer, embassy, bank. If you're in an established relationship and money does come up, see how real couples handle it in transparency vs privacy; the difference is you've met, and you both know exactly where the money goes.

If you've already sent money

1. Stop sending more, no matter what new reason is given.
2. Call your bank or card provider right away. Ask about recalling the transfer or disputing the charge. Speed matters.
3. For gift cards, contact the card company with the card numbers and receipt.
4. Report it. US: IC3.gov and ReportFraud.ftc.gov. Canada: the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre. Australia: Scamwatch. UK and elsewhere: your national fraud reporting service and local police.
5. Report the profile on the app or platform where you met.
6. Watch for "recovery" scams. Anyone who contacts you offering to get your money back for a fee is almost certainly the same scam, round two.
7. Tell someone. Shame keeps victims quiet and keeps them paying.

If someone is threatening to share your intimate images (sextortion)

This is terrifying, and it's designed to make you panic. The steps are simple:

1. Don't pay. Paying usually leads to more demands, not deletion. Law enforcement guidance, including the FBI's, consistently says not to pay.
2. Stop responding. Don't argue, plead or negotiate. Every reply tells them you're worth pursuing.
3. Save evidence first. Screenshot the threats, their profile and username, and any payment details they gave. Then block.
4. Report it to the platform, and to IC3.gov in the US or local police elsewhere.
5. Use image-removal tools. 18+: StopNCII.org creates a digital fingerprint of your images on your device so participating platforms can block them. Under 18: Take It Down from NCMEC does the same, and the CyberTipline takes reports.
6. Lock down your accounts. Set social profiles to private and hide your friends and followers lists, which is what they use to threaten you.
7. Tell one trusted person. The threat runs on shame. Saying it out loud takes away a lot of its power.

Often the person doesn't follow through once you stop engaging, and sometimes they never had what they claimed. If you're under 18: you are not in trouble. The person who did this is.

When a real partner becomes the risk

These dynamics don't only come from strangers. Sometimes a real partner, even one who was loving early on, starts pressuring for money or images, isolating you from friends, or threatening to share private content after a fight or breakup. That's abuse, and the same rules apply: you can refuse, you can save evidence, and you can report image-based abuse. Read LDR red flags and when to end an LDR, and if you're in danger, contact local emergency services or the hotline above.

Safer intimacy in an online relationship

• Wait until you've verified who they are with live video, ideally until you've met.
• Never send under pressure, and treat pressure as a warning sign in itself.
• Leave out your face, tattoos, birthmarks and recognizable rooms.
• Use apps with disappearing messages, while remembering screenshots and second phones still exist.
• Agree on privacy expectations, including what happens to images if you break up.

For the relationship side of this, see our guide to intimacy at a distance.

Staying open without becoming paranoid

Most online relationships are not scams, and many are more honest and better considered than relationships that started at a bar. Use the patterns here as a background checklist, not a lens you hold up to everyone. Real trust gets built the ordinary way: consistency, transparency and showing up over time (see how to build trust long distance).

A real partner will understand why you want to see their face and won't ask for your bank details. Hold both lines and you've avoided almost all of it.

Frequently asked questions

Can a scammer fake a video call?

Increasingly, yes. Real-time face-swap and deepfake tools exist, though they often glitch with fast movement, hands near the face, profile turns or poor lighting. A video call is still strong evidence, but treat a single short, blurry or always-dark call with caution. Several unscheduled calls over weeks, ordinary details that stay consistent and, eventually, an in-person meeting are what really confirm identity.

Can I get my money back after a romance scam?

Sometimes, if you act fast. Contact your bank or card issuer immediately and ask about a recall or chargeback; report to the FBI's IC3 and the FTC in the US. Gift cards and crypto are very hard to recover. Be wary of anyone who contacts you offering to recover lost funds for a fee: that's a common second scam aimed at victims.

Will police help with sextortion of an adult?

Many police forces and the FBI treat sextortion as a crime regardless of age, and reporting creates a record that can help if threats continue. Response varies by place. Even if police can't act quickly, reporting to the platform, keeping evidence and using image-removal tools like StopNCII.org (for adults) or Take It Down (for under-18s) can limit spread.

Is it rude to reverse image search my online partner?

No. Checking that the person in the photos is the person you're talking to is basic due diligence, like meeting a first date in a public place. You don't need to announce it. If the search comes back clean, you've lost nothing; if it doesn't, you've avoided a much bigger hurt.

Is it safe to send intimate photos in a long-distance relationship?

It always carries some risk, even with a real, loving partner, because images can be leaked, hacked or used later. If you choose to, wait until you've verified who they are, avoid showing your face or identifying features, and agree on privacy expectations first. Never send images under pressure or to someone you haven't seen live on video.